Motorhead

always sounds better turned up to 11. And at 110.

Doing the Impossible

Turns out you can cut yourself with an electric shaver. It's called "talent."

Bad Tyres

My tires are now so worn down that I've slipped the back end three times in one day without even trying. This would be cool if it weren't for other lanes being occupied by cars.

Bicycle Races

Granted, one man on a bicycle may be bigger than my car, but all the same it's going to hurt when you get hit riding across the middle of the road.

You're No Ricky Bobby

Yes, we all know that the 215 to 95N ramp is a long sweeping curve. And it's tempting because it looks like a NASCAR corner. But you're going to get a heck of a surprise sometime, because it's a blind corner. Think that one through next time you're driving between the lane marker and the jersey barrier.

But if you're going to pretend you're in NASCAR, at least learn how to take a corner. Until you can define the word "apex" and what it means for a corner, just stay between the lines.

Chain of Fools

A six car pileup on 215 begets a five car pileup on 215. Two chain reactions within a few hundred feet - impressive lack of paying attention there, people.

Then after everyone weasels past the accidents, they get all excited and start rocketing down the highway doing about 90. Of course, then they all slam to a halt at the first onramp as traffic doing 45 tries to merge and there's a general freakout.

Then a mile later, once traffic is up to a reasonable 80 in the left lane, we all have to freak out again as there's a tractor/trailer in the middle lane doing under 60. This screws up traffic as everyone has to try to figure out how to pass on both sides, then collide with traffic merging from the onramp. Thanks, dude.

I'm not sure whether it's better or worse than the loaded dual trailer gravel haulers I routinely catch tailgating people doing 85 in the left lane. Now, I've never driven anything bigger than a bus, but I had a hunch that you can't stop that truck fast enough to avoid killing a number of people. Let's all just hope for the best...

Couldja Be Less Obvious?

You might get the idea that I live in a skeezy neighborhood. Maybe so...

One indication is seeing a teenager hanging out by the payphone at the 7-11. For an hour or two... Yeah, that's not obvious. You would think whoever he's running drugs for could afford a pre-paid cell phone. They're pretty darn anonymous. I guess the drug dealers around my area just like to keep it old school.

How'd You Get Up There?

Off to the side of the highway are three cars with minor damage, and a fourth on a tow truck. What was interesting was a sedan that appeared to have been sideswiped and somehow made it all the way up the embankment. Either he managed some impressive offroading, or jumped the jersey barrier. Impressive either way.

Passengering

It's occasionally fun being a passenger on the highway because you get to watch other drivers.

"Awful lot of bald guys with small sunglasses driving around."

"Dude, that lady was smoking and picking her nose at the same time."

"Most people get freaked out when you wave, but that guy was okay."

A Few Rules

Let's all agree on a few assumptions, okay? If we all kind of get a baseline going, we can avoid driving like douchebags. Right? Okay...

1. If I'm going 80, I don't want to race, I just have somewhere to go.
2. If I'm going 95, I don't want to race, I just have somewhere to go.
3. If I'm going 115, I don't want to race, I just have somewhere to go.
4. If I'm in the left lane, and you roll up behind me, I'll do my best to move over quickly.
5. However, if I'm in the left lane, and you roll up behind me, and there's heavy traffic; I'm just going to ignore you.
6. If there's very little traffic, and I roll up behind you in the left lane, please move over.
7. If I drop down three gears, spin the engine up to 6000 RPM, and pass you on the right; it doesn't mean I want to race, it just means you're being a douchebag and I have somewhere to go.
8. If I'm going 70, I probably saw a cop that doesn't currently have someone pulled over. Go ahead and pass, it's fun to watch.

Advertising

On the back of a flatbed on 215: a pimped out Yukon with M&Ms logos painted all over it. Some good advertising there.

Mmm... Donuts...

While driving home I passed a car cruising down the highway with a donut on his driver side front wheel. The car was a front wheel drive. I passed him very slowly - and I was doing 80. That driver is what you call a "statistic waiting to happen."

Sit & Spin

A pickup and a SUV are cruising along in the left lane, being generally dickish. I'm behind the SUV, ignoring the stupidity. I work my way over into the exit lane onto Buffalo. The pickup and the SUV rocket over across three lanes. Nice.

Next thing I know, the SUV is slamming to a stop, I'm stopping behind him, and the guy behind me is riding off onto the shoulder. Then I see the back end of the pickup swing out past the right side of the SUV, and then show up on the right side. Oh, cool, he's in an uncontrolled spin...

After the smoke and noises settles and we all drive past him, laughing at the black marks on the road and the brown mark in his pants, I figured out what happened.

When he hit the gentle right curve that merges into the frontage road, he was going too fast. Ya know, feeling cool and all. So just as he's turning, he must've hit the brakes to try to slow down. Big mistake - he was already off balance and most of the weight was off his back wheels. So that locked the back wheels, and since he was turning already, sent him into a spin.

Great way to show off your company logo - drive like a jerk on the highway then spin out on the offramp. Clever.

A New Innovation - Rear Wheel Steering

215W again... Off to the side of the road is a late 90s silver sedan. Maybe a Taurus. Its front wheels are turned to the left. Its rear wheels are turned to the left, also.

Ouch...

Must Have The Bin!

215W, near Green Valley. A minivan pulling a trailer attempts to enter the highway. Off of the trailer tumbles a clear plastic bin. Empty, total value maybe $3. The bin tumbles into the space between the left and middle lanes. The van pulls off the road.

Clearly this bin is worth more than I thought... In my rear view mirror I see the driver jump and out start attempting to retrieve the bin. Through traffic... I'd be surprised if that ended well.

215W - How Did That Happen?

Funny thing, most accidents you can more or less guess what happened. But sometimes the aftermath offers so many possibilities.

On the way home today, traffic suddenly slammed to a stop and everyone started leaving the highway. Since eye level for me is about 48" off the roadway, I've got no idea what's happening.

Once we got around I saw the cause. There's a Ford F250 four door long bed pickup perpendicular across three lanes. Clever. What's even better is that the front driver's side corner has a Prius stuck in it. The rear driver's side corner has a Cox van stuck in it.

There are two possibilities I could see. Somehow he spun out, and the two cars in the adjoining lanes each caught a corner. This would be surprising, since I would think the pickup would roll - he was fairly tall.

The other thing I could see is the van catching the back corner, the truck slamming on the brakes, that forcing it around a bit, then the Prius popping into the front corner. Still seems unlikely.

Either way, the incident will be screwing up tonight's commute.