7/27/2005
Haha, Rednecks Mocked Him
Watched a blinged out Ford Excursion attempt a U-turn. He failed miserably and blocked traffic for a while as he tried to figure out which gear makes the car go backwards. While sorting this whole mess out a couple of dumb rednecks started mocking him. Loudly. Quite the moment, really.
There comes a time
in every woman's life when she realizes that short short cutoffs just don't befit her age and station in life. Around here that time appears to be somewhere past the age of 70. Well past. (sigh)
Panoz
Today I saw a Panoz Roadster in a parking lot.
Black.
With black leather.
And the top down.
This was 4 in the afternoon.
Someone's gonna get their butt burned.
Black.
With black leather.
And the top down.
This was 4 in the afternoon.
Someone's gonna get their butt burned.
7/22/2005
7/20/2005
Emergency
Okay, quite bit of advice for fellow Las Vegans: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY OF THE AMBULANCE!
When you see, and hear, an ambulance behind you, pull off the road. It's not that hard. It's not going to cost you a lot of time. And who knows, maybe the person who made the call won't die.
See, it's all well and good if your stupidity causes your own death, but it'll irritate me if someone innocent dies because you're a selfish jackass. With three lanes and light traffic, and ambulance shouldn't have to jump up on the curb to get around people.
It got bad enough that finally an Excursion and I teamed up and started blocking people so it could get by. We got flipped off. I just don't understand that reaction.
(sigh)
It didn't help when I looked into the subdivision where the ambulance and fire truck had turned in and they were pulling a u-turn. I just hope I never have an emergency of that magnitude.
When you see, and hear, an ambulance behind you, pull off the road. It's not that hard. It's not going to cost you a lot of time. And who knows, maybe the person who made the call won't die.
See, it's all well and good if your stupidity causes your own death, but it'll irritate me if someone innocent dies because you're a selfish jackass. With three lanes and light traffic, and ambulance shouldn't have to jump up on the curb to get around people.
It got bad enough that finally an Excursion and I teamed up and started blocking people so it could get by. We got flipped off. I just don't understand that reaction.
(sigh)
It didn't help when I looked into the subdivision where the ambulance and fire truck had turned in and they were pulling a u-turn. I just hope I never have an emergency of that magnitude.
Life In The Slow Lane
Eastbound on the airport connecter. In the far right lane. Doing about 60. The guy ahead of me slams on his brakes and weaves into the middle lane. Uh oh... I start slowing down and pull up behind a guy doing 35 mph with his hazard lights on. WTF?
Now there's a huge speed differential between me and the next lane over. I figuredI'd wait for an opening and jump over a lane. Just as traffic opens up I notice a freaking BUS about to rear-end me. I moved damn fast when I saw that.
Next thing I know the bus is swerving around the guy and I'm pushing the truck trying to get out of the line of fire. It was a pretty close moment. I'd hate to get killed by a bus.
Moral of the story: if your top speed is 35, take surface streets. Please. We don't want to kill you, but won't feel bad if it happens.
Now there's a huge speed differential between me and the next lane over. I figuredI'd wait for an opening and jump over a lane. Just as traffic opens up I notice a freaking BUS about to rear-end me. I moved damn fast when I saw that.
Next thing I know the bus is swerving around the guy and I'm pushing the truck trying to get out of the line of fire. It was a pretty close moment. I'd hate to get killed by a bus.
Moral of the story: if your top speed is 35, take surface streets. Please. We don't want to kill you, but won't feel bad if it happens.
UTurn Guy
Cruising down Trop, doing about 47 in the left lane. Some guy makes a u-turn on an unprotected left. I can tell he's going to do something stupid - the moment just has that kind of feeling.
Sure enough, he starts lurching over into the middle lane. I'm about two hundred feet away when he starts lurching into my lane without looking. So of course I don't stop. If he wants out of the gene pool it's not my problem.
About fifty feet away he spots me and realizes that I'm about to plant a bumper in his driver door. He quickly slams on the brakes and spins over back to the right lane. Then looking much humbled slowly backs up traffic as he inches over into the left turn lane. Schmuck.
U-turns are fine, unprotected u-turns are okay, but don't pull an unprotected u-turn then immediately try to jump into traffic in front of a guy with a 30 mph speed differential.
Sure enough, he starts lurching over into the middle lane. I'm about two hundred feet away when he starts lurching into my lane without looking. So of course I don't stop. If he wants out of the gene pool it's not my problem.
About fifty feet away he spots me and realizes that I'm about to plant a bumper in his driver door. He quickly slams on the brakes and spins over back to the right lane. Then looking much humbled slowly backs up traffic as he inches over into the left turn lane. Schmuck.
U-turns are fine, unprotected u-turns are okay, but don't pull an unprotected u-turn then immediately try to jump into traffic in front of a guy with a 30 mph speed differential.
The Burninator
**** says: what the hell is up with your MSN name ?
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: Was talking with someone about angry mobs, mythical creatures, and people/things most likely to set fire to villages.
**** says: trogdor
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: Mythical creature.
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: I still say the angry lesbians are more likely.
**** says: lol
**** says: there not mythical though
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: Exactly my point.
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: They couldn't hardly burn a village if they were mythical.
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: Was talking with someone about angry mobs, mythical creatures, and people/things most likely to set fire to villages.
**** says: trogdor
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: Mythical creature.
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: I still say the angry lesbians are more likely.
**** says: lol
**** says: there not mythical though
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: Exactly my point.
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: They couldn't hardly burn a village if they were mythical.
7/16/2005
Wile E.
On Russell near 95. Almost hit a coyote. Good thing I have decent reflexes - I would've hated to have taken out one of those guys.
S'like we've said at work: "anything that can survive in the desert deserves some respect."
Pigeons I may try to squash, but a coyote deserves a lot better.
S'like we've said at work: "anything that can survive in the desert deserves some respect."
Pigeons I may try to squash, but a coyote deserves a lot better.
7/14/2005
Why People Are Special
At Hobertson's, buying aluminum foil (it makes a good conductor).
The guy in front of me has a total of $13.42. He has a $10 bill and a $5 bill in hand.
He hands the cashier the $10 bill. She says "Sir, the total is $13.42, you gave me ten dollars." He responds "No."
Both the cashier and I are looking at this guy like he's a little off. He pauses a second, then starts digging in his pocket with the hand not holding the $5 bill. After a minute he pulls out a different $5 bill and hands it to the cashier. At this point both of us are looking at the guy like he's just grown some tentacles. And not the nice anime kind of tentactles.
I almost thwacked him with my box of foil for wasting my time.
The guy in front of me has a total of $13.42. He has a $10 bill and a $5 bill in hand.
He hands the cashier the $10 bill. She says "Sir, the total is $13.42, you gave me ten dollars." He responds "No."
Both the cashier and I are looking at this guy like he's a little off. He pauses a second, then starts digging in his pocket with the hand not holding the $5 bill. After a minute he pulls out a different $5 bill and hands it to the cashier. At this point both of us are looking at the guy like he's just grown some tentacles. And not the nice anime kind of tentactles.
I almost thwacked him with my box of foil for wasting my time.
7/12/2005
In Which The Author Almost Dies
Semi in the right lane going 65. Semi in the left lane passing at about 70. Me, doing 95 in the middle lane, trying to pass between them. I didn't know this previously, but in the space between two semis is a violent swirling vortex of doom. The rear end of my truck began to travel faster than the front end. That, in itself, is bad enough. But with a semi close on either side it's a little more nerve wracking.
That may have been when I lost part of the grill...
That may have been when I lost part of the grill...
Said to a Coworker Today
"So, whenever we can't find you for hours at a time you always pass it off as being in a meeting. Since your car is always in the parking lot, we know you're in the building. Now, during these times we can walk around the building and find all of the people that you claim to be in meetings with; quite clearly not in meetings. This leads us to believe that what's really happening is that you're finding a dark corner somewhere to rustle up a quorum of the voices in your head. So my real question to you is: which one had control of the body when you okayed the timeline for the [xxxx] [xxxxx] [xxxxx] module?"
For that I was called a jackass. How quaint.
For that I was called a jackass. How quaint.
7/11/2005
More Search Terms
The usual suspects are there. In large quantities.
But there are some good ones:
blues brothers car
vegas punk
homie (this one was from the Spanish language mx.yahoo.com)
But there are some good ones:
blues brothers car
vegas punk
homie (this one was from the Spanish language mx.yahoo.com)
That Car Again
That '72 Buick Skylark mentioned previously lives near me. I saw it in the parking lot of Hobertson's. It still looks stupid, especially in the light of day.
Car Kablooey
It's the season again - when cars overheat and engine blocks turn into slag. I always feel sorry for 'em, typically it looks like someone that can't really afford to have their engine croak.
That Darn Corner
Left from Russell onto Broadbent.
While driving down Russell, some doofus tries to whip around me. (sigh) Guy, I know you're not going to take the corner at a reasonable speed, so just quit trying... So I sped up a bit and wouldn't let him pass.
I hit the corner in a drift, grill securely fastened, and made it without incident. From behind me I hear a lot of squealing and see headlights whipping back and forth. Jackass almost slid himself into the ditch. Hope he learned a lesson (don't corner quickly in a pickup with tires that break loose violently).
While driving down Russell, some doofus tries to whip around me. (sigh) Guy, I know you're not going to take the corner at a reasonable speed, so just quit trying... So I sped up a bit and wouldn't let him pass.
I hit the corner in a drift, grill securely fastened, and made it without incident. From behind me I hear a lot of squealing and see headlights whipping back and forth. Jackass almost slid himself into the ditch. Hope he learned a lesson (don't corner quickly in a pickup with tires that break loose violently).
Woops
To whoever may have caught the 95 mph grill part (I was pushing a 20 mph headwind, so the poor grill had to cope with 115 mph winds; no wonder it fell apart) - I'm sorry. I didn't realize I'd lost it until I got home. If you got my license plate number, please send a bill, I'll pay it.
7/04/2005
Thai Food
Being in an adventurous mood, I went out for Thai food. I looked at the menu and ordered something. Something. The waitress looked at me as if to say there was no way I'd actually eat it.
The food showed up. I looked at it. And winced internally. The waitress kind of smirked. That pissed me off. Being the person I am my revenge came in the form of eating all of it.
I'm still not entirely sure what it all was. There were some things that looked like clams but definitely weren't. There was what might have been strips of fish. And I think some tripe. And a few other things that I just couldn't even guess at.
I didn't like most of it. But I ate it. The waitress came back and looked visibly surprised to see the bowl empty. I won. Kind of a pyrrhic victory, but a victory nonetheless.
The food showed up. I looked at it. And winced internally. The waitress kind of smirked. That pissed me off. Being the person I am my revenge came in the form of eating all of it.
I'm still not entirely sure what it all was. There were some things that looked like clams but definitely weren't. There was what might have been strips of fish. And I think some tripe. And a few other things that I just couldn't even guess at.
I didn't like most of it. But I ate it. The waitress came back and looked visibly surprised to see the bowl empty. I won. Kind of a pyrrhic victory, but a victory nonetheless.
7/03/2005
Things I Learned
1. Do not go in the bathrooms at The Plaza. Someone thought it would be a bright idea to put the urinals less than a foot away from the sink. I'm not joking. I stepped in, sized up the situation, and left the building.
2. No one actually goes in Glitter Gulch. It'd be just too darn embarrassing. I don't quite what delusion the management is operating under, but dressing your girls up like blond wigged space aliens and stationing them and a carnival barker out front just isn't going to make people come inside. It's going to make them laugh. Often.
3. If you're wandering around the east end of Fremont (like, kind of close to The Cortez) you may be approached by a hooker, or a pimp. I got to watch a man forcibly pimp out a woman to a customer. The woman looked less than pleased about the transaction. I can't imagine anyone would be pleased about being a Fremont Hooker - that's not exactly a high class clientel.
4. A '72 Buick Skylark can be made into a drag car, complete with narrow front tires.
5. A '72 Buick Skylark made into a drag car looks really really stupid.
2. No one actually goes in Glitter Gulch. It'd be just too darn embarrassing. I don't quite what delusion the management is operating under, but dressing your girls up like blond wigged space aliens and stationing them and a carnival barker out front just isn't going to make people come inside. It's going to make them laugh. Often.
3. If you're wandering around the east end of Fremont (like, kind of close to The Cortez) you may be approached by a hooker, or a pimp. I got to watch a man forcibly pimp out a woman to a customer. The woman looked less than pleased about the transaction. I can't imagine anyone would be pleased about being a Fremont Hooker - that's not exactly a high class clientel.
4. A '72 Buick Skylark can be made into a drag car, complete with narrow front tires.
5. A '72 Buick Skylark made into a drag car looks really really stupid.
Sadbertson's
Saturday night at 9:00 PM the only people in Albertson's are the employees who weren't smart enough to get a better shift, a few normal people buying beer and chips for parties, and a lot of really really freaky people who couldn't get invited to a party.
And inevitably there's going to be a scary looking looking woman with too few clothes ahead of me in lines. And inevitably she's going to turn around and smile "seductively" at me. And inevitably I'm going to want to go home and take a shower. It's not so much that I mind being hit on, it's a nice boost for the ego, it's just that these women are not the type who have taken care of themselves. Or bathed recently...
Oddly, at 7:30 on a Sunday morning the crowd is much the same except about 30 years older.
And inevitably there's going to be a scary looking looking woman with too few clothes ahead of me in lines. And inevitably she's going to turn around and smile "seductively" at me. And inevitably I'm going to want to go home and take a shower. It's not so much that I mind being hit on, it's a nice boost for the ego, it's just that these women are not the type who have taken care of themselves. Or bathed recently...
Oddly, at 7:30 on a Sunday morning the crowd is much the same except about 30 years older.
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