Before I bought my house something funny happened at work. A coworker's wife called and said the neighbors were having a midget party. He thought she was joking until he got home and saw about five midgets in the neighbor's front yard holding 40 ouncers and practicing karate on each other.
I thought that was pretty damn funny.
After I bought my house I noticed a lot of midgets in the neighborhood.
One day I was turning from Boulder onto Trop to go home and I saw a guy across the street on a motorcycle. Next to a Honda. A BIG Honda. Never seen a Civic that big before. Then I realized it was a midget on a mini bike.
Later I found out that this coworker lives just a couple blocks away from me. We live in the midget section of town apparantly.
(This post is probably the tipping point that will void my entry pass into any kind of public relations job.)
7/28/2004
Hobilly Delux
Last night was fat crack whore night at the local Albertson's.
I forgot my crack whore, so I got no prize.
The people in line in front of me were elderly. Older than 60, probably younger than 70. And stoned. Stoned to the gills. Serious munchies. HoHos, Twinkies, microwave dinners. Maybe they just eat that way normally? No, they were stoned. Definitely stoned. Been around enough stoned people to know. They were stoned.
I forgot my crack whore, so I got no prize.
The people in line in front of me were elderly. Older than 60, probably younger than 70. And stoned. Stoned to the gills. Serious munchies. HoHos, Twinkies, microwave dinners. Maybe they just eat that way normally? No, they were stoned. Definitely stoned. Been around enough stoned people to know. They were stoned.
Der Gate
To my neighbors: QUIT FUCKING HITTING THE DAMN GATE! My association dues go to pay for the fact that you nitwits can't figure out the difference between Gate Is Open and Gate Is Closed.
And explain to me just how it is that you run into a gate that opens outward. Panic and back up? Get confused and go out the in gate?
Oh, and the speed limit is 25. Next person I see doing 50 is going to get me out of my car loan.
And explain to me just how it is that you run into a gate that opens outward. Panic and back up? Get confused and go out the in gate?
Oh, and the speed limit is 25. Next person I see doing 50 is going to get me out of my car loan.
Three Car Assrape
Today's accident: three cars in a rear-end collision. Turning left from Russell onto the Airport Connector. That's not a place where a reasonably aware person would get into that sort of accident. My guess is that someone panicked and jumped into the turn lane without looking.
I got stuck behind these bozos.
I think I may have caused another accident when I shot out into the next lane and took off. I don't like waiting, especially when everyone around me is stopped for no apparant reason - halted in some kind of brainlock waiting for someone else to show them the path to enlightenment.
The path to enlightment is under the gas pedal. You'll find it faster if you push the pedal down.
I got stuck behind these bozos.
I think I may have caused another accident when I shot out into the next lane and took off. I don't like waiting, especially when everyone around me is stopped for no apparant reason - halted in some kind of brainlock waiting for someone else to show them the path to enlightenment.
The path to enlightment is under the gas pedal. You'll find it faster if you push the pedal down.
Gimpy Walker
A couple of months ago I almost hit someone.
A pedestrian.
Seems that not everyone views a 4500 lbs black hurtling kinetic nightmare with bad tires quite like I do. See, I view it as impending death. I guess I'm in the minority.
Bad enough when I have to erch to a halt to avoid cars. But when a pedestrian walks into the middle of the road without looking, I get a bit more mad. There's a crosswalk 100 feet down the road - I expect people to wander into the middle of the road there...
Skip forward a couple of months.
On my way to work.
Driving the GT this time.
Someone walks out in front of me.
I stopped about a foot away from this guy. Then the smoke caught up with me. That pissed me off. Flatten my tires and cook my brakes because some guy can't use a sidewalk and can't see a bright red car?
Then he looked at me and ran off.
"YOU FUCKER! I RECOGNIZE YOU!"
Yup. Same guy. Same place.
I was half out of the car when I realized that there was traffic behind me and I better scooch before I get rearended. Now I drive up and down that stretch of Tropicana waiting for him. I want a chance to take the value of my tires and brakes out on his hide.
A pedestrian.
Seems that not everyone views a 4500 lbs black hurtling kinetic nightmare with bad tires quite like I do. See, I view it as impending death. I guess I'm in the minority.
Bad enough when I have to erch to a halt to avoid cars. But when a pedestrian walks into the middle of the road without looking, I get a bit more mad. There's a crosswalk 100 feet down the road - I expect people to wander into the middle of the road there...
Skip forward a couple of months.
On my way to work.
Driving the GT this time.
Someone walks out in front of me.
I stopped about a foot away from this guy. Then the smoke caught up with me. That pissed me off. Flatten my tires and cook my brakes because some guy can't use a sidewalk and can't see a bright red car?
Then he looked at me and ran off.
"YOU FUCKER! I RECOGNIZE YOU!"
Yup. Same guy. Same place.
I was half out of the car when I realized that there was traffic behind me and I better scooch before I get rearended. Now I drive up and down that stretch of Tropicana waiting for him. I want a chance to take the value of my tires and brakes out on his hide.
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