Taxi

Incidentally, this is the movie I was talking about:
The Real Taxi

This:
The Fake Taxi
Is at least smart enough to refernce it in France.

Daewoo Damnation

Watched Taxi a couple weeks ago. The one with Queen Latifah. It's not as good as the original French one. Besson is so much better than Garant. I was offended I had to watch it.

The next night I dreamed about a yellow Daewoo hatchback. Damnit.

A week later I saw a Daewoo on the road. It had directional tires. The driver's side rear was on backwards. The passenger's side rear was a different brand. That can't be fun at highway speeds.

I've been cursed with Daewoo.

Rain

It's been raining solid for two days. In the desert. All hell breaks loose here when it rains.

Ambulances, fire trucks, police... Sirens going, lights blazing, authority figures racing about.

Floods, wrecks, and general mayhem. Even the cats are staying inside.

Cabbage

More fun on the airport connector.

I was driving the Vette to work. Fun car, and the nose is really low on the ground.

Everyone is being orderly, behaving themselves and merging well. Then along comes a SUV taxi. Pretty high front bumper.

He gets up and tries to wedge in front of me. So I pop the gas and stick the front of my car under the front fender of his SUV. Funny thing, he stopped acting like a dick after that.

In Which The Author Almost Gets Creamed - Again

I was passing a line of cars. They were in the turn lane, about 25 or 30 deep. I'm cruising down the right lane doing about 20, getting prepped to turn right at the light. Some jackass in a SUV turns through the line of cars and jumps so close in front of me that I left some serious skid marks. I woulda just let go and punched into his rear axle for the price of a new car, but I had an appointment and didn't want to cancel on account of jackassery.

Troppy Woopsy

Tropicana eastbound past Mountain Vista. It's 6:30 AM, everyone has their lights on. So what happens? The one car on that stretch of road hits the one car pulling out on that stretch of road. All with their lights on. Not something you could easily miss. But, hey, this is Vegas.

Night Driving

Vacuum actuated headlights.
Stiff suspension.
Thirty six year old rubber hoses.

Connect the dots.

The cool thing is that people in front of me started switching lanes to get out of my way.

Realization

One of these days I'm going to become a statistic.

New hint: don't come out of a car wash and try to jump out into traffic driving a car with lots of torque and no weight on the driving wheels. When the height of traction control in your car is posi from the early seventies you're going to occasionally surprise yourself. And the people around you.

Not Selling

My car doesn't have a For Sale sign on it, so please stop offering to buy it. Especially please stop offering to buy it for 1/3 the value while your truck catches fire. Seriously, that's just going to embarass both of us. But mostly you. Me it just annoys.

Homeless Guy Likes My Car

Sitting at an offramp waiting for a stoplight. Homeless guy: "Hey, is that a '72?"

"Nope, '71."

"Oh, cool car, man."

So my car has been complimented by a homeless guy. Not sure quite what that means, but it seems significant somehow.

Fits Under

I discovered that a Corvette fits under the back of a 3/4 ton Chevy 4x4 pickup. How did I discover this? Well, I was switching lanes (two to the right - yeah, I know, stupid decision on my part) when the guy ahead of me popped his brakes as I was looking over my shoulder. Ya crank the wheel real fast when you find yourself under another vehicle. Real fast.

Sigh...

Okay guys, once again: when traffic is really boogered up, hitting another car just doesn't help. Not at all. Seems like a simple concept, doesn't it? I thought so too.

Why Oh Why

Okay, it's clearly going to be a long grumpy bit of gridlock because they closed the airport connector down to one lane. It sucks, we all know it, so just relax, get along, and we'll all get through it quicker.

Do not:
Ram the guy ahead of you. You're not getting anywhere faster - in fact, you're going to make things worse for everyone else.

Do not:
Get pulled over and have your car searched for drugs. Seriously, not helping things here, guy.

Do not:
Try to jump ahead of the line. I will push you into a barrel. In fact, out of spite, I may just stop and let other people in ahead of me (someone did that today when a dumbass got fidgety and jumped around traffic to get ahead of people).

Your best bet is to just go around the whole thing since obviously you can't play well with others.

Galleria

You know it's serious when you see multiple news helicopters and the police have a whole block shut down. I saw a whole bunch of cars stopped with people walking around, but no real damage. This typically indicates that the police were involved in the accident.

Stupid Guy on Bike

Not a good idea to ride your bicycle in front of a vehicle doing 48 in a 45 mph zone. The driver's ability to stop may be compromised by the fact that you probably need to be weeded out of the gene pool.

Redneckery

The DMV says that REDNECK is not available as a license plate. And I can't figure out how to fit "mid life crisis" into 7 letters.

Other options:
EVLGNYS
TORQUE
CNV71

Any suggestions?

55 MPH

That's the point where my tires begin to break loose on the ramp from the airport connector to Warm Springs. After that the rear end begins a graceful drift to the left. Letting off the accelerator brings the speed down enough to let the tires grip again. Pushing a little harder lets the rear end push out just a bit more, causing oversteer and prompting a correction by steering slightly out of the corner.

The tires are Falken ZE-512 M+S rated tires. I wouldn't say the wet weather traction is anything more than comical, but the dry weather traction works well. They hold well in corners, and when they do begin to break free it's a resonably graceful break, not a violent swing.

Normally The Building Wins

Car vs. building: Car wins

Rescue workers save driver after freak accident collapses Merrimon structure

photo: Bill Sanders/staff photographer Demolition workers look over the remains of the Allison Building at 500 Merrimon Ave. after a car went into the building Tuesday. The car is still buried under the building rubble.

By Clarke Morrison
STAFF WRITER

published: September 21, 2005 6:00 am

ASHEVILLE — Merrimon Avenue was blocked most of the day Tuesday after a car knocked out two support columns of a building, causing much of the brick structure’s front to tumble onto the roadway.

The driver of the car, Abigail Colburn, and three emergency workers attempting to rescue her went through some harrowing moments as more of the building came crashing down while they were inside, said Tommy Brooks, division chief with the Asheville Fire Department.

The paramedic and two firefighters avoided injury and got the woman out safely, Brooks said. The driver suffered minor injuries in the 6:30 a.m. crash and was treated at the hospital and released, he said.

The accident at 500 Merrimon Ave., across from The Hop ice cream shop, shut down the road’s four lanes as city inspectors, Day Associates Engineering, D.H. Griffin Demolition and the state Department of Transportation worked to stabilize the building and clean up debris, Deputy Fire Marshal Kelley Webb said.

Traffic was detoured, and several businesses in the area were closed. Tuesday night, Merrimon remained closed as a demolition crew took down more from the front of the building facing the road.

Dozens of onlookers from surrounding neighborhoods came out to watch as crews scooped up rubble and dragged the black coupe from the debris.

“It’s hard to believe that a little car could do that much damage,” said John Field, 69.

Police said they expected to open the road late Tuesday or early today.

The car was headed south on Merrimon when it was clipped by another car, went out of the control and crashed into the building, authorities said, knocking loose a center support beam. The Allison Building dates to 1924, said its owner, Robert Johnson. The section of the building most heavily damaged was vacant, he said.

Johnson said he arrived at the scene within an hour after the crash.

“I was like, ‘Holy cow!’ There must have been 50 people down here,” he said. “The lady in the car was my first thought. (The building) is just bricks and mortar. It can be replaced.”

Ambulance Races

Not sure why, but I've been seeing at least one ambulance a week headed down Tropicana towards the stadium. It's almost like they're doing time trials down that one stretch of road. Maybe they're just trying to get the jackass drivers to get used to moving out of the way. From what I've seen, they need the practice.

Trop and Andover

Two car head on in the intersection. Ambulances had already come and gone.

One of the cars left there had a hole in the windshield. No blood, but a definite hole in the windshield. Something wasn't wearing a seatbelt, but I don't think it was a person.

Whoah... Too Much Bling

Saw a golf cart today with custom rims. And a custom paint job. Upholstered seats.

At what point is a lot of bling considered too much bling?

Alaska

I hate Alaska Airlines. I've never had a trip with Alaska that wasn't messed up.

But anyway... On the flight back I remembered why I don't like flying back to Vegas on a Thursday night.

To my left was a magnet wearing new age couple determined to spread peace and love in Vegas. In front of me was a white trash couple who, since they was on vacation, had decided to splurge and buy MGD. Behind me there were a few people loudly discussing strategies for winning at slots.
The winners, by far, were the two people to the right of me. One woman with the glazed over look of someone who lives their life with no concept of the future past their next meal. Next to her was a sixty some year old woman with entirely too little shirt and too much mouth.

The glazed woman was flying to Vegas to marry someone she'd met on the Internet. The older woman lives in Vegas. Regretably...

Both women were... stupid...

Now, the thing about stupid people is that they kind of live life on a different plane from the rest of us. Things that seem obvious to the rest of us are often new and intense to a stupid person. Things that the rest of us just kind of understand and anticipate are, to a stupid person, an often very painful life lesson.

I had to listen to these stupid people giving stupid advice to each other the entire flight. Painful advice. Obvious advice. Painfully obvious advice. Advice that was not obvious to the stupid people.

Yeah, I'm a jerk.

On The Way To The Airport

On the way to the airport at 5:30 Sunday morning, I saw the remains of a bus stop, a cinderblock wall, a light pole, and a car. I figure the accident happened at about 4 or so in the morning, so I'm hoping no one was at the bus stop.

It looks like someone lost control on Tropicana east bound just west of I95. I'm guessing that they hit the light pole, spun the car around, then bounced off the cinderblock wall and rammed backwards into the bus stop. Scattered it like a load of popsicle sticks.

Much Stuff No Time

Been busy lately...

Just recently went on a business trip to Seattle. Hertz made the mistake of renting me a Kia Optima with a V6. Reasonably stiff frame, suspension, and big engine. Traction control, however, can be described as primitive. At least it's extremely competent at over 100.

I was there with a group of customers. Nice guys, but not the quickest on the highway. Apparantly I'm a difficult driver to follow. My response was "you have a map, I wasn't worried."

Their response to that was grumbling something about a Kia, two wheels, and certain ertching noises.

Confused On The Concept

Congrats to the man in the Escalade for whom the definition of "safe following distance" is a foot and a half. At least he was quick on the reflexes when I dropped the truck down two gears and dumped the clutch.

And more congrats to the old man driving the Lincoln Towncar, who's reaction to a confusing situation was to just run over the cones and try to figure out which lane to be in later.

That Was Talent

Well, almost.

She was doing her makeup.
Driving an Escalade.
On her way to the airport.
Weaving about considerably.

I waited until she was trying to change lanes to swing around into her blind spot and force her into the left lane. Yeah, I'm a jerk, but it's probably not a good idea to be doing your makeup while late for a flight.

Genetics

It's called a bootlegger. Look it up. Practice it.

Much Ertching Today

Three times in one day I almost ran my li'l trucklet up into the bad end of another car. One was my fault, the other two were caused by someone changing lanes and then slamming on their brakes. Didn't help that one of them had no brake lights. Not nice.

And I almost caught a minivan up the pooter. I was sitting stopped at a light and saw a guy coming up all to fast. Thankfully he figured it out in time for us both to be thankful for anti-lock brakes.

Mucho Responso

Three car fender bender on Sunset near Stephanie. No visible damage. But all the same, Henderson felt the need to send:
3 patrol cars
2 ambulances
1 fire truck

And I'm not sure, but I think I saw a partridge in a pear tree.

Out Of Place

Saw a morbidly overweight homeless guy today. Had a sign: "need money for food." He wasn't gettin' much action on that one.

Sorry For Honking

Driving around in the right lane at 25 because you thought you'd be clever and zip around traffic just isn't gonna cut it. So, ya know, move it.

Escaladiation

Okay, let's think for just a minute. You're driving a nice shiny new Escalade with spinny rims.

I'm driving a dented up base model Tacoma with a gaping hole in the dash where a stereo used to reside.

You feel the need to try to push your way into traffic at the last minute.

Seriously, sorry about the tires dude, but do you really think I'm the one that's going to end up bouncing off the curb?

The answer, because you didn't seem smart enough to figure it out on your own, is no.

Heard on the News

"near the intersection of Tropicana and Flamingo."

Maybe I'm new here, so, um, can someone explain that to me?

Almost Russelled

Backup getting off the airport connector onto Russell. Someone must've gotten rearended. Typical.

Turns out it wasn't. In the intersection at the next light was a Dodge Intrepid missing a large portion of it's front end. Didn't look like anyone got hurt too badly, but it sure buggered up traffic.

Pleas Stop Stealing My Stereo

This is the third time. I'm getting irritated. It's time to switch tactics in this little arms race.

Role Reversal

I saw a Toyota Corolla towing a Ford F350 Duallie.

...

I don't know how either, but I suspect a Toyota shop will be replacing a transmission this week.

Pushin' The Law

Ya ever know people that had a bunch of big dogs and one little dog? And that little dog was always riding herd over the big dogs. I'm that little dog.

Yeah, my truck is small, but I don't care about the paint and I seem to be missing that little part of the human brain that governs self preservation.

This morning while trying to navigate from Russell to the airport connector I spotted a government Suburban. Eight antennas, spotlight, and exempt plates. He was looking a little slow, so I pushed him a lane over and took off. Then pushed him back in line when he tried to merge.

I should probably avoid annoying people who carry guns as part of their job, but, ya know, it amuses me.

Most Specific Hooker Request Yet

"i95 truck stop hookers"

I95 runs for quite a ways... Might want to be more specific as to which truckstop you're looking for.

Good way to have the last word in a conversation:

"I'm sorry, after about the age of 15 it stops being an action figure and turns into a doll. Furthermore, if you're 24 years old and still defending the sexuality of your Ultraman doll you probably have some repressed sexual issues you need to deal with."

Bumper Sandwich

Almost ended up in a bumper sandwich today. The people ahead of me panic stopped for some reason, and I of course stopped as fast as I could without locking the brakes. The guy behind me (on a cell phone) swerved around and into the median. He almost launched into oncoming traffic, which would've been pretty brutal. Never put down his phone, though. That's some serious dedication to distraction.

BMW Drivers

While I was narrowly avoiding a collision with a BMW today (his fault - I was doing the speed limit and he decided to pull a U-turn directly in front of me) I kind of realized something about BMW drivers. Most of them, anyway.

It seems like most of them drive about, well under the capabilities of their vehicles. As if they didn't already pay too much, they then use very little of the car's abilities. But then, once they do decide to do something remotely exciting, they mess it up.

Like this guy today. I'm cruising down Tropicana doing about 47 (okay, yeah, I was two over the speed limit). The guy decides to pull a fast U-turn. But he mistimes it and ends up about two feet away from getting the front of my truck into the rear quarter panel of his car. Yeah, I could've slammed on brakes and not been so close but I figured the fault would be his. I can claim ABS won't leave skid marks.

I Don't Like Gravity

After years of silent brooding anger at man's ability to defy gravity, the force that keeps us all down has begun getting revenge. Today it singled me out for abuse.

We were leaving Lucille's after a quite tasty lunch. I was climbing into the back seat of a coworker's Expedition when I simply fell out. Just fell. Out.

On the way down I shouted "oh fuck!" and grabbed the front seatbelt. Ended up on the pavement, holding onto the seatbelt and wondering what the heck just happened.

The driver looked down at me and asked if I needed help. "No, nothin' wounded but my pride." The guy getting into the passenger seat looked over and said "damn, I missed it." "Um, yeah, no instant replay on this, dude."

This is just one of those weird things. You're going about your life, just chillin', and suddenly BLAM something just goes nuts. Next thing you know you're on your ass in a parking lot, hanging onto a seatbelt, and trying to figure out what just happened.

Asshole

Apparantly I'm a bit of an asshole. I base this on two events.

The first event involves all of the construction near my house. D.R. Horton, KB, and Storybook have traffic in the area pretty messed up. It didn't take me long to get fed up and start taking shortcuts through what is supposedly a construction zone (but used to be a road). This irritates the construction guys. What really drives them nuts is when I do it in a full dust kicking rally slide.

The second involves the fact that I have more stereo than truck. I normally don't crank it up except on the highway. I kind of doubt that anyone wants to hear the music I'm listening to. But today I had it turned up pretty loud. Pulled up to a stoplight and a lowered homie car pulled up next to me. On the other side of him was a lady in a truck.

(boom)(thump)(boom)(thump)

I doubt the homie guy even had his stereo on. But the lady looked over to find the source of the noise and of course zeroed in on him. Stereotypes and all. So she starts glaring at him. I looked over at her and she looked back at me. I shrugged and looked significantly at the homie guy as if to say "some people are so rude." She nodded in agreement.

Typical Tropicana Eastbound Near 95

Yup, a rear end collision. The typical. Boogered up traffic pretty well. Didn't help that some oncoming lanes were blocked by a copy giving someone a ticket.

Haha, Rednecks Mocked Him

Watched a blinged out Ford Excursion attempt a U-turn. He failed miserably and blocked traffic for a while as he tried to figure out which gear makes the car go backwards. While sorting this whole mess out a couple of dumb rednecks started mocking him. Loudly. Quite the moment, really.

There comes a time

in every woman's life when she realizes that short short cutoffs just don't befit her age and station in life. Around here that time appears to be somewhere past the age of 70. Well past. (sigh)

Panoz

Today I saw a Panoz Roadster in a parking lot.

Black.

With black leather.

And the top down.

This was 4 in the afternoon.

Someone's gonna get their butt burned.

CXT

I saw an International CXT today.

Near the Strip.

Yeah, big surprise...

Emergency

Okay, quite bit of advice for fellow Las Vegans: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY OF THE AMBULANCE!

When you see, and hear, an ambulance behind you, pull off the road. It's not that hard. It's not going to cost you a lot of time. And who knows, maybe the person who made the call won't die.

See, it's all well and good if your stupidity causes your own death, but it'll irritate me if someone innocent dies because you're a selfish jackass. With three lanes and light traffic, and ambulance shouldn't have to jump up on the curb to get around people.

It got bad enough that finally an Excursion and I teamed up and started blocking people so it could get by. We got flipped off. I just don't understand that reaction.

(sigh)

It didn't help when I looked into the subdivision where the ambulance and fire truck had turned in and they were pulling a u-turn. I just hope I never have an emergency of that magnitude.

Life In The Slow Lane

Eastbound on the airport connecter. In the far right lane. Doing about 60. The guy ahead of me slams on his brakes and weaves into the middle lane. Uh oh... I start slowing down and pull up behind a guy doing 35 mph with his hazard lights on. WTF?

Now there's a huge speed differential between me and the next lane over. I figuredI'd wait for an opening and jump over a lane. Just as traffic opens up I notice a freaking BUS about to rear-end me. I moved damn fast when I saw that.

Next thing I know the bus is swerving around the guy and I'm pushing the truck trying to get out of the line of fire. It was a pretty close moment. I'd hate to get killed by a bus.

Moral of the story: if your top speed is 35, take surface streets. Please. We don't want to kill you, but won't feel bad if it happens.

UTurn Guy

Cruising down Trop, doing about 47 in the left lane. Some guy makes a u-turn on an unprotected left. I can tell he's going to do something stupid - the moment just has that kind of feeling.

Sure enough, he starts lurching over into the middle lane. I'm about two hundred feet away when he starts lurching into my lane without looking. So of course I don't stop. If he wants out of the gene pool it's not my problem.

About fifty feet away he spots me and realizes that I'm about to plant a bumper in his driver door. He quickly slams on the brakes and spins over back to the right lane. Then looking much humbled slowly backs up traffic as he inches over into the left turn lane. Schmuck.

U-turns are fine, unprotected u-turns are okay, but don't pull an unprotected u-turn then immediately try to jump into traffic in front of a guy with a 30 mph speed differential.

The Burninator

**** says: what the hell is up with your MSN name ?
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: Was talking with someone about angry mobs, mythical creatures, and people/things most likely to set fire to villages.
**** says: trogdor
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: Mythical creature.
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: I still say the angry lesbians are more likely.
**** says: lol
**** says: there not mythical though
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: Exactly my point.
Fuck Trogdor, it was angry lesbians. says: They couldn't hardly burn a village if they were mythical.

Wile E.

On Russell near 95. Almost hit a coyote. Good thing I have decent reflexes - I would've hated to have taken out one of those guys.

S'like we've said at work: "anything that can survive in the desert deserves some respect."

Pigeons I may try to squash, but a coyote deserves a lot better.

Why People Are Special

At Hobertson's, buying aluminum foil (it makes a good conductor).

The guy in front of me has a total of $13.42. He has a $10 bill and a $5 bill in hand.

He hands the cashier the $10 bill. She says "Sir, the total is $13.42, you gave me ten dollars." He responds "No."

Both the cashier and I are looking at this guy like he's a little off. He pauses a second, then starts digging in his pocket with the hand not holding the $5 bill. After a minute he pulls out a different $5 bill and hands it to the cashier. At this point both of us are looking at the guy like he's just grown some tentacles. And not the nice anime kind of tentactles.

I almost thwacked him with my box of foil for wasting my time.

In Which The Author Almost Dies

Semi in the right lane going 65. Semi in the left lane passing at about 70. Me, doing 95 in the middle lane, trying to pass between them. I didn't know this previously, but in the space between two semis is a violent swirling vortex of doom. The rear end of my truck began to travel faster than the front end. That, in itself, is bad enough. But with a semi close on either side it's a little more nerve wracking.

That may have been when I lost part of the grill...

Said to a Coworker Today

"So, whenever we can't find you for hours at a time you always pass it off as being in a meeting. Since your car is always in the parking lot, we know you're in the building. Now, during these times we can walk around the building and find all of the people that you claim to be in meetings with; quite clearly not in meetings. This leads us to believe that what's really happening is that you're finding a dark corner somewhere to rustle up a quorum of the voices in your head. So my real question to you is: which one had control of the body when you okayed the timeline for the [xxxx] [xxxxx] [xxxxx] module?"

For that I was called a jackass. How quaint.

More Search Terms

The usual suspects are there. In large quantities.

But there are some good ones:
blues brothers car
vegas punk
homie (this one was from the Spanish language mx.yahoo.com)

That Car Again

That '72 Buick Skylark mentioned previously lives near me. I saw it in the parking lot of Hobertson's. It still looks stupid, especially in the light of day.

Car Kablooey

It's the season again - when cars overheat and engine blocks turn into slag. I always feel sorry for 'em, typically it looks like someone that can't really afford to have their engine croak.

That Darn Corner

Left from Russell onto Broadbent.

While driving down Russell, some doofus tries to whip around me. (sigh) Guy, I know you're not going to take the corner at a reasonable speed, so just quit trying... So I sped up a bit and wouldn't let him pass.

I hit the corner in a drift, grill securely fastened, and made it without incident. From behind me I hear a lot of squealing and see headlights whipping back and forth. Jackass almost slid himself into the ditch. Hope he learned a lesson (don't corner quickly in a pickup with tires that break loose violently).

Woops

To whoever may have caught the 95 mph grill part (I was pushing a 20 mph headwind, so the poor grill had to cope with 115 mph winds; no wonder it fell apart) - I'm sorry. I didn't realize I'd lost it until I got home. If you got my license plate number, please send a bill, I'll pay it.

Thai Food

Being in an adventurous mood, I went out for Thai food. I looked at the menu and ordered something. Something. The waitress looked at me as if to say there was no way I'd actually eat it.

The food showed up. I looked at it. And winced internally. The waitress kind of smirked. That pissed me off. Being the person I am my revenge came in the form of eating all of it.

I'm still not entirely sure what it all was. There were some things that looked like clams but definitely weren't. There was what might have been strips of fish. And I think some tripe. And a few other things that I just couldn't even guess at.

I didn't like most of it. But I ate it. The waitress came back and looked visibly surprised to see the bowl empty. I won. Kind of a pyrrhic victory, but a victory nonetheless.

Things I Learned

1. Do not go in the bathrooms at The Plaza. Someone thought it would be a bright idea to put the urinals less than a foot away from the sink. I'm not joking. I stepped in, sized up the situation, and left the building.

2. No one actually goes in Glitter Gulch. It'd be just too darn embarrassing. I don't quite what delusion the management is operating under, but dressing your girls up like blond wigged space aliens and stationing them and a carnival barker out front just isn't going to make people come inside. It's going to make them laugh. Often.

3. If you're wandering around the east end of Fremont (like, kind of close to The Cortez) you may be approached by a hooker, or a pimp. I got to watch a man forcibly pimp out a woman to a customer. The woman looked less than pleased about the transaction. I can't imagine anyone would be pleased about being a Fremont Hooker - that's not exactly a high class clientel.

4. A '72 Buick Skylark can be made into a drag car, complete with narrow front tires.

5. A '72 Buick Skylark made into a drag car looks really really stupid.

Sadbertson's

Saturday night at 9:00 PM the only people in Albertson's are the employees who weren't smart enough to get a better shift, a few normal people buying beer and chips for parties, and a lot of really really freaky people who couldn't get invited to a party.

And inevitably there's going to be a scary looking looking woman with too few clothes ahead of me in lines. And inevitably she's going to turn around and smile "seductively" at me. And inevitably I'm going to want to go home and take a shower. It's not so much that I mind being hit on, it's a nice boost for the ego, it's just that these women are not the type who have taken care of themselves. Or bathed recently...

Oddly, at 7:30 on a Sunday morning the crowd is much the same except about 30 years older.

I'm The Jackass Today

I just stabbed myself in the gums with a piece of bread. It started bleeding and the bread broke off in the wound. How stupid does a person have to wound themself with a piece of bread?

Well, now you know the answer.

Answers To Your Questions

(Answers to real searches that lead people here.)

Las Vegas Hookers: Check lasvegas.craigslist.org. Seriously, try it. I can't vouch for the reputability of the women posting ads there, but I can vouch for how funny it is to read through them.

Crack Ho: Downtown, and unfortunately, the Albertson's near my house. I'm not gonna tell you were that one is, you should be able to find it on your own.

Should I Go To Vegas Or Not: Yes, you should. Stay at the Imperial Palace - reasonable rates, the rooms are clean, and they have a cool car exhibit.

Get tickets to shows ahead of time. I 'd recommend Comedy Stop at the Trop and Improv at Harrah's - both reasonably priced and usually very funny.

Eat dinner at last once at Ellis Island - the $7.99 prime rib and microbrew is a good deal and surprisingly good (like better than I've had at the Outback).

Skipp Wynn, everything is overpriced and it looks like a circus.

If you want a really impressive time, get a table on the balcony at the Paris that overlooks the Bellagio water show - time it so you can watch the show while eating dinner.

Don't gamble unless you really feel the need to lose money quickly, or want the free drinks. If you're playing for the free drinks go downtown where the minimum bet is cheaper. Please tip the waitress and the dealer, they work pretty hard (seems easy, but it's a long shift, odd hours, and you never get to sit down - and the servers have to wear some pretty uncomfortable shoes).

Thank You Helper: I have no idea. You're on your own on that one, buddy.

Huh, You Got Jackassed

Some guy in a Hyundai decides to jump from the lane next to me to my lane. With no room to spare. While I'm stopping at a light. Nice, guy. I stomp on my brakes and slam to a stop behind the guy.

Funny thing, his lane merges onto the highway, too. So there was no reason whatsoever for the manwevver.

So we get onto the highway, and he's behind me. We get behind a slow truck. He whips out into the left lane and tries to pass me. Too bad, buddy, I already had my turn signal on.

Figuring at this point that he's either stupid or just a jerk, I decide I'm not too worried about offending him. So I move into the left lane. This forces him into the median. I didn't feel too bad about that.

Chopper

I saw a chopper today. Not a Jesse James / OCC Art Thug Mobile, but a real old-school chopper. Indian Larry style chopper. At least someone remembers.

It's 11:30 PM

And I just got a wrong number call from Japan. Idiocy does not know international boundaries.

Lowes

Went to Lowe's today to pick up a new toilet seat cause vinyl does what vinyl does.

So I was walking around and I saw a guy in a wheelchair with a big ole 2x4 wheeling down the aisle. Holding it like a jousting pole. Looked at it and thought "yeah, not a guy I'm gonna mess with."

I found the toilet seats and pondered the options. In kind of a mood, I figured I'd buy a seat with some style. Considered the weird translucent blue art nouveau seat. Naah, too weird. Then I looked at the seat molded to look like a rock. Naah, unconvincing - it just looks like a plastic turd. Maybe the semi-clear plastic flake? That one looked kinda cool.

Then I saw it. The one I had to have. It's removable. I stood there, looked at it, considered the implications, and thought "Fuck yeah! I can put it in the dishwasher!"

Multiple Woops

Saw a big ole lifted pickup and a few small cars on Tropicana eastbound near I95. The usual spot. Nothin' like a wake of carnage left by someone with more cylinders than penis.

Airport Woops

Someone missed the right turn from the airport onto the airport connector. Or rather, turned too much.

I passed by and saw a couple of police surrounding a Dodge Ram that had missed the corner and plowed perfectly straight into the retaining wall of the overpass ramp. Dead on. Like he was aiming for it. Rode that dirt embankment right on down into oblivion. Dunno about whether he wouldn't survived or not - looked like the cabin was okay.

This was 6:30 in the morning, so I can't imagine it was a drunk driver. Well, probably not, anyway.

Lane Blocking Idjit

This morning some guy decided to jump out into traffic. Sort of. He shot out from a parking lot and stopped perpendicular to traffic across three lanes on Tropicana. And then sat there. I honked and gestured.

Same thing happened on the way back home this afternoon. I kind of question why people leave themselves open for an accident like this. Getting t-boned on the driver's side is about the quickest way to die in an auto accident. Must be a desire to evict themselves from the gene pool.

Been There A While

While heading west on Trop just past I95 (had to go get the jackasses at Discount to change the speed at which my tires vibrate, since they aren't bright enough to actually make them drive smoothly) I spotted a Trailblazer stopped with a gardener's truck close to the back bumper. No visible damage, but there must have been an accident, as they seem to be exchanging information.

So later, on my way back (the vribtation is now at 50 instead of 60. Idiots) I noticed that the two vehicles were still stopped in the same place. This was about an hour later. They've been happily screwing up traffic for an hour now. No visible damage. My guess is they were waiting for a cop to show up to file a report. Idiots.

Dang this town has a lot of idiots.

Another Russell

This time I actually got to watch the incident. It was classic. Man in car tries to turn right. Man in truck almost hits man in car who just barely stops pulling out in front of him. Man in other truck behind car forgets to use the pedal to the left of the gas. Nice crunching sound and a lot of broken plastic. Insurance settlement time.

Dumboass

Dude, if your tailgate pops down and there's nothing in the back of your truck, you really don't need to slam to a stop and block traffic so you can get out and put it back up. And if you do that, please don't look mystified when people honk at you - you clearly deserve it.

Numbers

I'm really amazed at how many clicks I get from the search term "crack ho."

It's Just Noise

Taking a left from a parking space at work, I dropped the clutch a little too much and lit up a tire. Our resident Grumpy Old Man shouted that he wasn't impressed. Good thing I wasn't either.

It's a small truck with an inline engine, open differential, and hard compound tires. I'm impressed when I don't break a tire loose.

My Fault

Yeah, that one was my fault. I was a little too close behind a Saab taking the left from Russell onto whatever the backroad by the stadium is.

She braked. Hard. In the middle of the corner. Racing no no, but I should've had more distance. Thankfully, reflexes kicked in - I popped the truck down into 2nd gear, slammed the gas, and slide into the left lane beside the Saab. Ran 2nd gear up to 55 mph for a 2nd to 5th shift and all was well.

"Rrrraaaarrrrkkk I shouldn't exist."

Another on the list of things that shouldn't exist: an El Camino with a utility bed. No frame, but at least it took a lot of welding.

Falcon

I've got a set of Falken tires on my truck, rated at almost 400 treadwear. Perfect for Las Vegas summer. Thing about hard compound tires, though - very bad in the rain.

Turning from Warm Springs onto the south part of Amigo, I noticed a bunch of water covering the roadway. So of course I popped the gas to spin the tires and coat them with water. This was in the middle of the corner.

Once onto pavement I popped the gas again to break the rear end free. That of course gave the back end some momentum. More so than the front end. Cool. Jacked the wheel around to the left quickly and left go of the gas. That, of course, is only one way of pulling out of the slide. And not necessarily the best.

Thankfully I knew what I was doing and had the front wheels pointed the right direction. Just swung out of the slide and kept going.

I doubt the guy behind me was impressed, but it entertained me.

Blues Brother?

Push bumpers, a spotlight, and some dents. Yeah, I know exactly what's in your car - I used to drive one. I'm still not impressed enough to let you into my lane at the last minute.

Not Again

I was listening to a couple of coworkers talking about a story they saw on the news the night before. Apparantly a Mercedes had crashed through the wall of some subdivision and literally exploded, raining Mercedes brand shrapnel into the nearby house.

So I asked where it was.

Jimmy Durante. Uh oh....

Near Tropicana. Oh bugger.

It does explain why I saw a big hole in the wall of my subdivision that morning. That makes twice in less than a year that someone has died driving through a cinder block wall right there. I don't understand why. It's not a sharp corner.

On the other hand, anyone want to buy a house near me? I suspect there'll be one up for sale real soon now.

Windy-Ass Day Today

A slightly schadenfraudal moment today...

On Stephanie just before Marks. Two rejects from Wayne's World were skateboarding down the sidewalk. Some serious wind came up and actually blew them off their boards into the rocks. I admit it, I'm a jerk - I nearly wrecked laughing so hard.

Boink

I was trying to turn right on Russell. Almost jumped into traffic, but made the calculation and decided not to. The guy behind me decided I should go.

(boink)

It was a small car and a light tap, so I turned right and kept going. He pulled out into traffic and didn't seem inclined to follow me (I was driving slow so he could if he felt like it). Noticed a scrap on his front end right about where my tow hitch would be. Didn't hurt me none, didn't scratch up my truck any more than it already was - I didn't see a real reason to care.

Reflexes

In a 50 mph zone someone pulled out in front of me while in the left lane another car was passing me. I timed it so that I'd slide over just behind the car in the left lane just before ramming the doofus ahead of me.

Just as I was between lanes, the guy in the left slammed on his brakes. That was less than fun. No where to go - barrier on the left, car ahead of me, car in the right lane, and someone coming up way too fast behind me.

Thankfully I managed keep myself just a couple feet off the bumper of the guy ahead of me. I wouldn't so much mind an accident, I just don't want to have one in the middle of nowhere - and I definitely don't want there to be any potential for the fault to legally be mine.

Drivin'

Nothin' clears the head like country music, an open window, and miles of clear road.

Russelled Again?

Didn't see who got what, but when there's a backup onto the connector and flashing lights ahead it's a good idea to just keep going straight to Tropicana.

Ah sushi

On the way there I got to see a semi with a trailer brake that was hyperlocking. Impressive how much smoke a hard compound tire can make. Hope it wasn't owner operated.

Because I don't live in the ghetto

I don't often see a van with four slashed tires and a side spray painted with the legend "God knows what you did." I'm probably better off not knowing what they did.

Yo, Shiny

You have a nice shiny new Suburban. I have a dented pickup, good insurance, and an understanding of physics. Lunging at my lane won't make me move. It will, however, make me laugh.

The good insurance and the understanding of physics are why even though you're driving a beat up '72 Ford pickup I still forced your ass into oncoming traffic. Guess what, the median isn't a passing lane - if I happen to need to turn left you're probably the one that'll lose the argument. Trust me on that.

Californians

and Arizonans have the same problem: even worse driving than Las Vegans.

One Two Five CRAP!

Still don't like hydraulic clutches.

Please Stop

Hey, people, come on, please quit hitting my mirrors. It takes me about half a year to get them aligned properly. So, ya know, it doesn't take a lot to avoid smacking my mirrors. Seriously.

Now It's Getting Weird

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Hooyunday

I was doing a classic 1-2-5 shift this morning when some doofus in a base model Hyundai thought I wanted to race. (Despite the base model Hyundai, he had enough money to install a huge coffee can homie-pipe.)

Nothing interesting happened. Not much really can when dealing with a base model Hyundai.

Vegas Ain't The Only Place

Fire Truck Hit On Way To Fire

POSTED: 8:41 am CDT May 27, 2005

UPDATED: 9:12 am CDT May 27, 2005

OMAHA, Neb. -- An Omaha fire truck responding to a house fire was hit by a car Friday morning.

The collision between the car and fire truck happened at 60th Street and Ames Avenue. Omaha police said the car's driver may have been distracted by a cruiser driving in the opposite direction with the lights on.

The car collided with the fire engine, which also had its lights and sirens on.

There were no injuries and only minor damage to the fire truck.

The fire crew was on its way to a house fire at 42nd Street and Grand Avenue.

Everyone got out safely, thanks to neighbors and a family dog, which woke the residents up.

The fire was contained to the back of the building and is under investigation.

Spider Chase

Tonight I saw a spider bookin' his li'l ass down my hallway. I turned the light on and looked - he was chasing some other bug. Funniest thing, watching some poor bug trying it's best to escape the spider. And that spider running for all he was worth in hot pursuit.

You could ask who won but you'd have to ask my vacuum cleaner.

Yahoo Search Again

This site is #7 for "assrape". In Spanish no less. Apparantly it means the same in both languages.

Why does it keep coming up for words like "crack ho", "boulder highway hookers", and "assrape"?

I hope this tells me more about the people out there than the voices in here.

Don't Go

Let's say you have a stoplight. And that stoplight has no green arrows. Just lots of green orbs, beckoning you forward. You're turning right, and across the intersection you see someone with their left turn signal on.

Quiz time: who has the right of way?

That's right, buckyboy, it's you.

Oh, you guessed wrong? Idjit. Just go, would ya? You're not being nice, you're just impeding the natural flow of traffic.

Stephanie Says

Don't Be A Dumbass

Furthermore, don't be a collection of dumbassii.

Northish bound on Stephani just before Russell. Just after the two lanes merge into one. Dumbass 1 sticks his car halfway into the turn lane, and stops.

Dumbass 2 stops in my lane behind him.

Dumbass 3 stops halfway to the right of him.

Dumbass 4 stops right next to the guardrail.

And they all sit there. Doing nothing. I can't get around because Dumbass 4 is next to the guardrail. Finally after a minute traffic turns left and the dumbassii sort themselves out.

Granted, it was only a couple minutes, but it was still annoying to have the time wasted by true morons.

Everyone Gets Pulled Over

Today I saw the police pull over a backhoe. 'Cause... It was speeding?

The Inevitability Of Fate

There is something freeing about the inevitability of certain actions and reactions. When you accept that certain consequences will happen you no longer worry about whether or not you're doing an action that will trigger those consequences.

Take, for example, the fact that I know I will get a speeding ticket sometime. I accept it. When I finally get pulled over I'll admit my speed, take my ticket, and be on my way.

But the nice thing is that I just don't care how fast I drive any more. On the highway I seem to average out at about 80 as long as traffic is pretty light. Otherwise I just move with traffic. Around town I actually average about the speed limit (plus minus 4 mph or so).

Today, driving south on I95 I passed a cop pulling someone over. I didn't bother slowing down. Then I passed another cop later who was sitting on the side of the highway. Didn't slow down. He must not've had his radar on. Just delays the inevitable. I'll get a ticket at some point - I just won't care about it.

Despite the lack of a stoplight;

a crosswalk still means you should stop for people. 'Cause, ya know, picking a pedestrian out of your grill sucks.

Coppers

Been having odd luck with police lately.

On Wednesday, I was stopped at a light and a motorcycle cop turned left from a perpendicular side street. The entire corner he was glaring at me. I had no real clue why, so I glared back. 'Cause, ya know, I'm not so worried. With no traffic coming he manages a quick U-turn to get into traffic a few cars behind me. Huh... Follows for a while before turning to another street. Half a mile later I spot two motorcycle cops who seem a little too interested. 'Cause, really, I'm not that interesting.

On Friday morning I got pissed of waiting for a school bus full of kids to load and get out of my way (yeah yeah, I know, but it's still irritating). So I kind jumped out into traffic turning right onto Tropicana from Jimmy Durante. Turns out I cut off a cop. I guess he was on a call because he didn't stop me.

Friday afternoon I got eyed by a cruiser who kept pace beside me for a while on Tropicana. Smiled and waved, 'cause, hey, for once I wasn't doing anything wrong.

Not quite sure what all this means, but I suspect I may be going to traffic school soon.

Turn, Turn, Turn

In a situation where someone is making a U-turn against an open green light and perendicular to him someone is making a right turn to the same direction, who has right of way?

Legally, I'm not sure. But in reality it's definitely not the guy in the $35k Magnum. It's the guy in the $7k dented pickup.

More Searchy

websearch.com lists this as #5 for crack ho.

Speaking of which, even in pairs women in denim shorts near Boulder Highway still look like crack hos. Just no changing that. Time to update the wardrobe ladies.

Well Aren't We Stupid?

Tropicana westbound after Boulder, I was in the middle lane getting up to the speed limit. Some lady decided to pull a U-turn against a green light. With traffic coming. Then she noticed someone turning right at the intersection. Rather than go somewhere useful, she stopped. Bad.

Even worse, once there was some space she ended up straddling two lanes. I finally had to lay on the horn to get her to pick one. It's amazing to me that some people survive.

I Shouldn't Exist

On the list of things that shouldn't be: this morning I saw a Geo Metro towing a trailer full of gardening gear. That just can't be a good idea.

Oil Ain't Just For Cars

Let's spend a brief moment with the mad scientist in me, shall we?

I hate fan noise from computers. Drives me absolutely total monkeyfuck.

So I've been researching my options. I could liquid cool, but that's expensive and I have other things to spend my money on. I could spend a bunch of time and money using quiet fans and such, but that limits my processor speed. I could manufacturer my own cases, but that'd take a lot of time. Then I found another option - submerging a computer in oil.

Oil is completely nonconductive and non-corrosive. It should work just fine. Others have had success, so shall I.

I bought a $1.99 styrofoam ice chest and 5 gallons of vegetable oil as outlined earlier.

I completely disassembled an old PC I had laying about, and put the pieces in the ice chest. Connected them up and turned it on. It seemed to be working okay.

So I poured in the first gallon of oil. All was well.

Gallon two, all was well.

Gallon three, much the same.

About half way through gallon four I started hearing a weird noise. I traced it down to the CPU fan barely touching the surface of the oil and making a slapping noise. So I continued pouring.

Everything seemed to be working okay, maybe this was going to be all right. Thinking I had a momentous occasion on my hands, I got my camera. Took the lense cap off, turned the camera on, and rounded the corner into the living room and OH FUCK!!!

The styrofoam ice chest had cracked and was firing a line of pressured oil onto my carpet. OH CRAP OH CRAP OH CRAP!

I grabbed the ice chest and aimed the stream directly away from me. Then ran to the kitchen. Right about the time I hit the tile I realized what a bad idea it was to aim the stream directly in front of me.

The only way I could keep upright was to keep skating forward on my nice slick tile floor. Next thing I knew I was bouncing off the sink. Of course, between me and the sink was the ice chest. It disintegrated.

Somehow I got the pieces launched into the sink and kept on my feet. Then I surveyed the damage...

Grabbed a bunch of towels and tried sopping up the four foot wide puddle of oil on my carpet. Mopped up the kitchen. Then decided to try a carpet steamer. Seemed to work okay.

By the time I was done I had:
4 empty jugs of vegetable oil
1 busted styrofoam ice chest
1 full gallon jug of vegetable oil
1 wet, oily spot about 4 feet wide on my carpet
1 wet, oily carpet steamer
1 washer full of wet, oily towels
1 oily trail in the kitchen
1 sink full of computer parts and styrofoam bits
1 non-wet, but still oily, me

Overall not a successful evening.

Valve Float

Be a little wary of the guy who thinks valve float is nothing more than a built-in rev limiter.

STi Or Not

You still can't beat physics, guy.

Mah Workplahce

I like working in a place where I can say things like "you fucking chaos monkey, don't you have better things to do than scooch up the nearest tree you can find while throwing coconuts and feces at everyone? 'Cause, frankly, I'm not amused."

And where I can send e-mail to customers explaining that "I'm sorry, but the many ways and means of our release schedules and compositions are beyond a mere mortal such as I. Perhaps if we consult the Almighty Oracle Of The Mountain, he who is much practiced in the science of divination, we shall be blessed with an answer that our puny minds may comprehend."

And where I occasionally have to ask my boss things like "What's machine (x) running right now?" To which his response was "Nothing, that machine doesn't exist any more."
Me: "Um... I can ping it and it's port scanning me."
Him: "Oh, yeah, I am running a port scan."
Me: "Just how DO you define 'doesn't exist'?"

I'ma get in trouble one of these days, but for now it keeps me from being irritated with other drivers quite so much.

Gotcha

Pecos northbound from Hacienda. Saw a motorcycle cop pulling someone over. It's a 25 mph zone there since it's mostly residential. Come on, at least make 'em work for it.

Russell

I almost got Russelled today. Turning right from the Airport Connector I got to look in my rear view mirror in time to watch some guy on a cell phone nearly give me a little anal lubin'. Gotta pay attention there, guys.

Found 'Em

Chances are, lady, if yer walking around Boulder Highway wearing a pair of Daisy Duke (tm) brand cutoffs; you're going to look like a hooker. Sorry, just a fact of life since this isn't the early 80s any longer.

DeeBree

Eastbound on Trop past I95 traffic slows a bit and I notice some dirt on the road. Okay, nothing major. Then next thing I know I'm swerving around some cinder blocks that someone conveniently dropped off in the middle of the street. Thanks. At least I know my reflexes are still okay.

Which Brings To Mind

If I think I'm such a good driver why do I have such problems with a hydraulic clutch?

And yes, I know the answer. Here's a hint, my first years of driving a manual were on:
1982 Subaru
1978 Subaru
1957 Chevy
1984 Toyota
1982 Toyota

The only exception to that list is a 2000 Subaru, but the clutch there didn't feel hydraulic because I had it tuned exactly to the length of my leg..

A 1998 Toyota with a hydraulic clutch just kicks my ass.

Ramen Is Vegetable

I forgot that one of the burners on my stove no longer automatically ignites. So I turned it on.
(click click click click click)
Huh?
(click click click click click)
Oh yeah, I have to light it manually.
(click click click click click)
So I flick the bic.
(FAHWHOOMP!)
Damn near burned my eyebrows off.

And I still think I'm qualified to operate a motor vehicle...

Shopping

When you buy 5 gallons of vegetable oil and a cooler, people begin to ask questions. Normally these can be discouraged by strings of excess bullshit. Like the conversation with the checkstand lady when she raised an eyebrow at the stack of oil on the conveyer belt.

Me: "I've got a project."
Her: "Should I even ask?"
Me: "Well, there's a certain chemical situation involved in the electrolitical conversion of specific oils that can be exploited to provide a net excess of free radical ions."

At that point the average person's brain shuts down and you can go about your merry business.

Surprised

Taking a left from Stephanie near the stadium. I came from the middle lane into some guy's driver side blind spot. As he was watching the corner I drifted to his passenger side blind spot. I think he had no idea I was there until I passed him - he flinched a bit as I came around the front of his truck on the passenger side.

Der Fleet

Over ten RVs parked at Albertson's today. Not a show, just a weird redneck convoy. This freaks out me as much as convoys of those creepy-ass brown UPS trucks (I used to lived near a UPS facility, mornings on the way to work were kinda chilling).

Minstralberson's?

Saw someone wandering about Hobertson's strumming a guitar today. Hmm...

Thank Goodness For Helper Springs

But my kingdom for a dump bed truck.

Mercedes Dents

I almost took out a Mercedes today. It was the classic one where I was turning right, he was turning left. He wanted into the right lane and I wanted the left. Thankfully both of us were pretty quick to figure it out and we missed.

Today's Search Terms

"hookers and coke" and "vegas hookers"

Didn't Make It

Getting off the airport connector onto Warm Springs. Looks like there's an accident in the intersection. Yup. Someone misjudged the left turn and caught a SUV to the fender. Funny thing was it looked like the SUV took the worst of it.

Fun Night

You know it's been a fun night when you have to tell your passenger "Dude, puke out the window, not in my truck." "Dude, what the fuck are you doing? Don't piss on that!"

Ronald The Nose

I went to a store the other day to see about getting some custom bits for my house. I expected a plethora of options and choices. I expected some help planning a custom installation.

What I got was Ronald McHelpless, the Noseclown. "Well, your options are this, this, this, or this." Literally. That's a direct quote.

And then he went into a canned spiel.

I forgot most of it. He was taller than me. nose at eye level. Red blond hair. All normal enough. Except that he had some nose hair issues. Serious issues. I swear a clown was trying to climb out of his nose. I'd suggets he get a nose hair trimmer, but this is more on the order of weedwhacker. I couldn't concentrate on what he was saying due to the distraction of a man's nose giving birth to a small squid.

It was surreal.

Gator Season

It's road gator season again. I almost caught a big one on my drive home today. Wish I had some way to profit from dead tires, 'cause they're all over the place.

So are dead cars. It's that season again, too. Routine maintenance, people, routine maintenance. It's surprisingly important. And despite what a coworker of mine says, yes you do have to change your oil filter every once in a while, no matter how much oil your car burns.

Reminds me, I need to get some supplies for my twice yearly oil change.

A Chance Meeting

An elderly couple with good brakes and bad depth perception got a hug from a friendly man with bad brakes today. I'm sure this happened more than once, but I only saw one.

Yay for observant people!

Oscar The Meyer

I saw the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile today. Eastbound on Tropicana near Pecos. Dunno where it was headed. Maybe to I95 to go spread some overprocessed pig part joy and happiness at Hoover Dam. Maybe just down to Hobertson's. The second idea kind of frightens me.

Following Too Closely?

Eastbound on Stephanie, I passed a XTerra. He musta got pissed because he started tailing me way too close. Fine with me. I take the left turn at the end of Stephanie at about 30. Not hard in my trucklet. I looked in my rear view mirror soon enough to see an XTerra almost roll itself on the corner.

Yay for smart people!

Sometimes I'm Nice,

Sometimes I'm Not.

Eastbound on Warm Springs, I'm in the left lane first rank stopped at the stoplight for Green Valley. Some lady in a old Corolla is next to me.

A schoolbus turns right onto Warm Springs from Green Valley. Then it stops about 1/8th of a mile down the road and turns on its stop lights. The street light ahead of me turns green and I start into the intersection, figuring I'll stop when I get near the bus.

Dingbat lady in the car takes off like she's not going to stop for the bus. Awright, whatever. Then the bus pulls in its stop lights and starts to merge from the shoulder into the right lane. So I speed up. So does the lady in the Corolla. So does the bus.

This should be amusing.

The lady slams on her brakes, swerves into my lane, and continues driving like a twit for the next few miles. Bummer, 'cause I was hoping to get her off the road for a while.

Sandy (No Valley)

When you're hauling a load of dirt and you manage to dump a bunch of it onto the road just before the intersection it's a good idea to clean it up. If you don't, the next person who tries to stop for a yellow light may just slide his ass into the intersection. While I'm sure that provides a lot of humor for everyone else stopped at the light it sure doesn't do anything nice to the poor driver's heart rate.

Thankfully the driver has rally racing experience. He's just very thankful there was no one behind him.

Haulin'

Ain't nothin' says you done some real work like bottoming out the rear springs in your truck.

Authority

One of the nice things about living near a Silverbowl stadium is that it's a big chunk of land that won't have houses - so traffic won't get any worse.

Except...

When there's an event traffic gets pretty bad.

Eventually I got sick of waiting in lines and started shoving taxis out of my way. Ignoring the hand signals from the silly people with the yellow jackets.

Most authority is based on the acceptance of such authority. When you reject it there aren't really repurcussions. As long as you don't reject the authority backed up by guns. Not a good idea to let the angry glares turn into gunfire. Tends to ruin one's day.

Big Smokey Woops

Driving down Stephanie, trying to get home. A fire engine passes me with lights and sirens ablazin'. It rushes down to Russell. The direction I'm headed. Uh oh...

Finally get to the downhill before the light. Big smoke cloud. Something in the park is burning.

Woops. Someone managed to light their SUV on fire. Bummer, guy.

Outa My Way

Awright, you're driving a late model sports car.

I'm driving a base 1998 Tacoma.

Why is it you're the one in the way? Really, let me know 'cause I don't understand.

My Fault

Admittedly, this last one was my fault. I should've known better than to turn left across someone who had turned on their turn signal and slowed down to make a turn. My bad.

Honestly, it was. I forgot one of my rules: never trust turn signals. People _are_ out to get me.

The Typicals

Getting off the airport connector onto Russell - the typical reason for a backup.

Eastbound on Trop just west of I95 - the typical reason for a backup.

What was new, though, was watching a loaded semi lurch across three lanes to try to make a turn onto 95 north. He made it, but barely. Almost took out quite a few other people, too. That manwevver is bad enough in a small car, but in a semi it's just stupid.

I Dare Ya

You may think you want to try to cut in front of me an force an opening for yourself but your 2005 model car with the temporary tags says otherwise. Especially when you notice the dents in my truck. Maybe then you begin to suspect that I just don't care and swerve back into your lane. Know your place, buddy.

More Search Engines

AltaVista has me listed as #8 for "boulder highway hookers." Sorry guy, I don't know where they hang out - I just occasionally almost run 'em over when they skitter out in front of my car.

Homie Pilot

I saw a Honda Pilot the other day with a big ol' homie pipe. As a coworker said: "someone got to his mom's car."

I saw a Chevy Cavalier in a parking lot. Had two massive homie pipes. Two? Hmm... I checked, only one was connected to an exhaust line. Nice...

More Search Engine Goodness

MSN Search has this blog listed as the first result for "crack ho pics."

I can't imagine the disappointment some surfers must feel as they think they're going to see pictures of crack whores and end up instead with a dish of cold cynicism and warm bitchyness.

I Don't Think That One Was My Fault

If I watch traffic, check my mirror, then look over my shoulder as I flip on my turn signals; chances are it's not my fault you just about got hit. It could be that you jumped over from the far left lane as I was slowly moving to the middle lane from the right lane, si? I don't mind getting honked at if it's my fault - if I do something stupid I deserve to be mocked. But... If it's your fault just jump back into your own lane and shut up a bit, okay?

Feelin' The Yahoo Lovin'

Not sure what to make of this...

According to search.yahoo.com, I'm ranked as:
7th place for: "crack ho"
1st place for: "quote commute"
66th place for: "sandy valley nevada"

And from Yahoo's Canada search, I'm the only entry for: "'this is a pre boarding' call flight to"

Someone has to making this stuff up.

I'm just waiting for a referral from my post about the gorilla stripper.

Crash Goes The Weasel

The way I drive my truck tends to suffer from brake fade. I need bigger brakes, with slotted rotors (note: not cross drilled - those are bad bad bad). Anyway, I forgot about that while hauling a load to the dump. Almost rearended a minivan when I was distracted by a dancing Elvis with a For Sale sign. Dunno if he was selling Elvii or what, but my bad.

Later I saw a guy in an inflatable female gorilla costume trying to sell furniture. I laughed as he shook his big inflatable gorilla ass and fondled his big inflatable gorilla boobs. Wow... Big inflatable gorilla stripper. I almost stopped and tipped.

We Can All Get Through This

215 Westbound from Gibson. Soon as we hit the grated sections traffic freaks out and slows to 20 mph temporarily. It's just grated asphalt, guys, with a little attention and some perseverance we can get through this okay. I know it's scary, and you're worried, but it'll be all right.

Trop and McCleod

Typical fender bender. Except that I couldn't figure out how they'd gotten where they were. One of the cars had to have been hit hard enough to spin it, but neither were damaged that much. Mystery.

Fuckered Up My Commute

Hadda drag my butt out of bed at 5 am to head to [Big Important Customer] for a 12 hour shift. What major event happened this weekend in Las Vegas? Chances are you can guess where I was.

So I'm headed east on Trop. Halfway up the block to Eastern traffic slows to a crawl. People start leaving for the parking lots on either side.

In Las Vegas this normally means an accident.

A news van shows up and weasels it's way through traffic.

This also typically means an accident.

So I head off to a parking lot and cruise through to Eastern. I look back to the intersection. Five police cruisers and some news media. I was too far away to find out exactly what happened, but it must've been pretty big. Hope no one died.

Two Birds, One Road

Headed East on Warm Springs, trying to get to Costco. Get up to Spencer and traffic slows to a crawl. Probably an accident. Yup. Intersection past Spencer is closed. Crap.

So I drive down Spencer and take a left on Eldorado Ln. Two lane road, and everyone now wants to turn left onto Eastern. This is stupid. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Crap. I finally hop the curb and take off to the right, pull a quick U-turn, and wave to the schmucks waiting to turn left. The U-turn is a perfectly legal and underutilized tool here.

Take Warm Springs a few more blocks and crap... Another accident. This time at Valley Verde. Someone hit a bus.

Once again, how is it that a person manages to hit a bus. It's not like they're small and nimble. Or particularly invisible. They're giant hulking behemoths, smoking down the roadway, obscuring vision for miles around. How the heck do you hit one?

Anyway, I wind around for a while and eventually get back on Warm Springs. Take a left on Stephanie. By now my patience is pretty slim. Some guy has been weaving through traffic, getting nowhere. He ends up in the right hand turn lane onto Marks with his left turn signal on. Woops. This is one of those places where a long application of the horn really freaks someone out. This guy as pretty edgy by the time traffic let him in.

Airport Connector

I saw someone getting pulled over on the airport connector this afternoon. Yes, police do set up speed traps there. Yes, police in Vegas do sometimes give speeding tickets. Wouldn't it suck if you were one of the few?

A Little Anger

Warm Springs and Rosado Springs. Guy turning from from eastbound Warm Springs onto Rosado. I passed the intersection as he was walking around his truck to look at the minivan wedged under the back bumper. Last I saw in my mirror was the guy waving his arms at the passenger window of the van.

Honkie

Twice today I had to honk at someone. Are ya'all just kinda slow, or just new to the concept of traffice lights?

Hornie

Let me explain something about horns:

1. A short beep means: "Don't take offense, but you're being a retard, now please move your ass before I push it into the intersection."

2. A longer beep means: "Woah, shit, you almost hit my ass."

3. A really long blare means: "You're so damn stupid you shouldn't be driving and I want to make sure you know it. Keep driving. Keep going. Freaked out now? Good. I'm going to keep honking until your ass is so scared you call the cops and I have to make up a story about the switch getting stuck. Idiot."

Yo Homie II

To the guy with the 6" muffler tip on a 1.8 liter engine: if you lurch over into my lane two feet in front of me I may just assume you want a hug and stay that close. If this freaks you out and you swerve around a lot, I'm sorry but too bad. If you speed up and slow down in an attempt to make me back off just remember that I have good reflexes, good insurance, and a bad attitude.

Hungry Redneck

So I get done dealing with [My Big Fat Obnoxious Customer] and head home. I figure a beer and a burrito from my favorite burrito shop will cheer me up. So I head there. In line ahead of me is some white trash. Redneck Man and Da Ho. While we're in line some other people finish their meal and leave.

Redneck Man gets done ordering (very annoying, as all I wanted was a burrito and a beer, pretty simple - he's ordering a taco like it's a nine course meal). He gets done, and I order my food. Then I sit down and wait patiently.

Redneck Man and Da Ho wander about. Redneck Man notices a plate left by the previous customers that finished their meal and vacated. He spots a half eaten taco.

With lightning quick reflexes, he looks around and seeing no authority figures nearby he lunges down, grabs the half eaten taco, and scarfs it down.

OMFG, I almost shit myself laughing. My neighborhood has so many ways to amuse me.

Just No Skill

I think it's funny when my li'l trucklet can outdrift a an expensive sports car. The guy in the sports car always gets freaked out, feels inadequate, and then tries to pass me. People with more car than skill just amuse the heck out of me.

Dingus Battus

East on Stephanie. Crossed Boulder Highway and I was going about 45 in the left lane. Some guy decided to tailgate me for no apparant reason. Not that I care, he wasn's in front of me. But what the heck, you do something stupid I may just take you up on the offer to embarrass you. So I dropped the clutched from 5th to 3rd, almost got rearended, then drifted the left hand corner onto Tropicana. He wasn't too happy.

Yo Homie

The 2nd to 5th shift doesn't mean I want to race, it means I'm lazy and don't want to bother with 3rd and 4th. But hey, glad yer happy ya won.

3:00 AM Woops

On the way to [Big Annoying Customer] at three this morning I almost got taken out by some drunk guy. He swerved into my lane a few times. Eventually I just gave up and stopped avoiding him. Sadly, I shall collect no insurance today.

What struck me most is just how difficult it is to stop trying to avoid an accident. Years of driving fast and trying to avoid getting hit just doesn't get ignored easily.

Wanna Be a Toys R Us Kid

Monday was fire truck day. All over the place. Maryland Parkway, Tropicana, Albertson's. Like a freakin' Tonka festival.

I LIke This City

At Boulder Station last night waiting for someone to show up for dinner and a movie. I was having a fun time watching a big drunk redneck singing Brickhouse. Mullet and all. Yeah...

Then an older lady with too many beers in her started hitting on me. Kind of flattering but when she looked away for a minute I ran away.

Push

Heading home after watching Sahara (not a bad movie - fluffy and meaningless, but entertaining). Drivign south on Boulder, trying to make a left onto Flamingo. In the turn lane is a car with its flashers on. A cop rolls up next to it and starts talking to the owner.

Eventually some walking redneck shows up for the party. They all confer. The cop turns his lights on. This just don't bode well.

While the light is still red the two guys start pushing the car. Into the intersection. Into traffic...

The cop does an "oh shit" and drives into the intersection with his lights flashing. Stops traffic so the dingbats don't get hit. Surprisingly they manage to get across Boulder and into the gas station without turning into roadkill. Darwin shrugs.

Semi's Revenge

Behind a semi traveling west on Tropicana near I95. We're in the far right lane. He starts slowing down, so I change lanes to pass him. Without bothering to check his mirrors or use turn signals, he decides to change lanes. With traffic to the left of me the only thing I could do was brake and hope he didn't take out the side of my trucklet. He didn't. Barely.

Airport Connector + Russell

Yet another rear-end situation. This time in the morning, though. Still, lots of impatient people.

Truckee Flambe

Let me know if ya'all hear about a semi on fire today, I got to watch it start. Hope it wasn't owner operated.

A Genius Of Our Times

The Location: Intersection of Koval and Sands. I was crossing Koval on foot, and there was someone waiting in the northbound Koval right turn lane. He had a red arrow. There is a sign on the stoplight clearly stating "Right Turn On Green Arrow Only".

Someone behind him begins to honk for him to turn. He rolls down his window and points at the sign to inform the ignorant soul behind him. I point at the sign, too, just to help his explanation a bit. So what does the ignorant fool do? He honks again. Then he whips into the next lane over and begins to make a right turn, from the middle lane, with a red arrow.

I wish I could say he got deselected at that point, but our genius carried on to procreate another day. The gene pools cries out in despair.

Have I Said This Before?

Another Day In Paradise

On my way to [big obnoxious customer]'s underground lair, I saw a few things...

Someone took a flatbed tow truck and turned it into a limo. Thing about these trucks is they have about six feet hanging off the back axle. This one had even more since they wanted more room for the limo. Where do people typically sit in a limo? The far back... Now let's think about the physics of this one for a minute.

Then I'm cruising down the ramp from 95N to 15S I fall in line behind a flatbed pickup. It's got two dogs in the back. Unchained. And not a whole lot of room. I switched lanes before I ended up with a dog on the hood.

A coworker's wife got hit that day. She was stopped at a light when someone slammed into the back of her car. Still don't understand quite how that one happened.

Person + Person = Collision

On a street somewhere a man with no depth perception meets and man with poor reflexes. The result? Massive traffic blockage.

Hint to the man with not depth perception: it's a good idea to wait to turn left until all cars have passed. Otherwise you may take someone's bumper off and piss off a large number of commuters. Thanks, man.

Woops Duex

Eastbound on Warm Springs this afternoon: the remains of a rear-end collision. A mile later, same thing; different direction. Yup, summer is definitely close.

They're Definitely Back

Driving down I95 south from Lake Mead to Tropicana. Shouldn't be a big problem...

After four miles of stop and go traffic we finally get to the source. Can ya guess?

So traffic flows well. For a half a mile.

Then stop and go for another mile.

Can ya guess?

Two accidents, same direction, same stretch of road. Driving is just too hard for some people.

Part 3

The trip to L.A. and back to Vegas were pretty uneventful. But there were a few other moments of interest.

In San Francisco, I saw a guy driving a burned out Ferrari. The windows were all gone, the body was blackened from fire, the interior had burned away. But he was happily motoring down the road.

Someone stole the water bottles out of the back of my truck in Manhattan Beach, CA. I thought it would've happened in SF. Manhattan Beach is a really nice neighborhood. Rolls Royce parked on the side of the road nice. And someone stole my water. As opposed to the area of SF where people steal my friend's garbage. Weird.

Baker, CA has the singular nastiest bathroom I've ever been in. I went in, did my stuff, and left. Washed my hands in the squeegie bucket outside. I think other guys did the same.

Almost got a pic of the dash with the speedo in triple digits. Missed and came up on traffic. Oh well.

Day 2

And I thought my decisions to Just Keep Driving yesterday were questionable. Holy crap was today a flat out logical mystery.

I got up, checked out, and got on my way. For some reason I had the idea I should get chains. 'Cause, hey, I-80 in winter, I guess. Donner pass, cannibalism, all that fun stuff.

So I drove around for a while trying to find an auto parts store.

If Reno is a pretty working class town, why couldn't I find an auto parts store? Couldn't even find a Pep Boys or Schucks - and those guys are like roaches (or PT's) in Vegas.

Finally I gave up and decided to just get on 80 and start heading west.

Just as I left the city limits, what should hit my windshield but sleet. That's not a good sign. I've got a small pickup. No 4WD for me. No weight over the driving axle. I can barely move when it rains. Really cold rain is just going to kill me.

So I kept going.

The little signs that say "chains required when flashing" weren't flashin. Hey, that's a good sign, right?

Jackass....

I passed the border into California. By that time it's snowing. Big fluffy flakes falling gently onto the windshield of my OH MY FUCKING GOD I'M GOING TO DIE....

So I kept going.

Finally I got to the "chain control area". This translates to "it's snowing, jackass, put chains on or the CHP marches yo ass back to Nevada." Thankfully there were guys selling chains and installation services. $60 + tip for a set of chains and installation. Score!

Well, I shouldn't say it was a good thing. Had I not gotten chains I would have just gone back to Reno and stayed at the hotel for a couple days until the storm passed. That would have been relaxing. That might have been the smart thing to do. Guess what, kids? Uncle Binky ain't too smart.

Driving through the Donner pass, snow falling around me, feeling eerily crushable by the eighty thousand pound semis on all sides... Not a fun time.

Some highlights:
1) On a banked curve, the semi that was passing me started sliding down the bank towards me. That warmth I felt wasn't Jesus reassuring me, I'm pretty sure I wet myself.

2) Some guy ditched his truck. No one stopped to help. But they did all stop. This was after I'd taken my chains off (I gave in to peer pressure, eveyone else was doing it). By the time people figured out that if they weren't going to stop they should at least keep going, the road was covered in snow. I was stopped on an incline. A steep one. Through skill and perseverance (although most likely just dumb luck), I managed to get the truck moving.

3) My chains got stuck. On the tire. I couldn't get the passenger side chain off. Took me about 20 minutes. By the time I was done there was over an inch of snow. On me. There was more on the road. I looked down and decided I'd just made a mistake. But, ya know, what the hell.

4) Somewhere in there I realized I didn't bring a jacket with me. Good thing I'm about as honkie as is possible.

5) With not much room in the cab of the truck I figured I should keep the expensive stuff like the cameras and laptop in the cab. My clothes? In the back of the truck. 'Cause, really, it's almost summer - it's not gonna rain on me. Once it stopped snowing, it started raining. For 150 miles. Until I got to Pacifica. Then it stopped. For an hour and half.

6) At least I got to eat at Tam's.

7) Chains + Low Profile Tires = Rides Like Crap. So much so that I was worried I was doing damage to the tires.

8) Bay Area drivers are the least cooperative drivers in the U.S. In Vegas they run into things a lot, they're bad, but at least for the most part they cooperate. In the Bay Area they don't.
a)I saw some guy with his turn signal on, indicating that he wanted into my lane. So I opened enough space in front of me for him. He reacts by refusing that space and pushing into the lane ahead of the guy in front of me.
b) I saw another guy turn his turn signal on. There was enough space to change lanes. Then he turns his signal off and waits for the space to close up, then lurches over into the lane. Huh?
c) Two lanes were merging, everyone's got room, we're not really slowing down. Nothing to stress out over. So some lady rides the car ahead of her so that I can't merge in ahead of her. Awright, I guess everyone's got their issues.

I think L.A. is the only place I've ever been where people understand that if we all just cooperate we'll get there a lot faster. And maybe Singapore.

Leg 1

Pics of the trip can be found here:
http://www.part7.com/Trips/Vacation_3-05/index.html

So today I started my long drive to SF (and then to LA).

Hop in the trucklet and start driving up 95. Head north up to Beatty. That little zit of a town has been growing. It's got a gas station that takes credit cards now.

So I make a left into Death Valley. Down I go. Looking at the map I figure I gotta be careful not to miss 190. Eventually I end up waiting for a while on construction. Get past and the road dead ends... WTF? That ain't right.

Oh...

Had the map upside down. (sigh) I'm a doofus.

Turn around and head north. Not too happy.

North on 395. Owens Valley. Driving along and I notice snow all over the mountains. Thankfully I'm not in the mountains. Then I notice the elevation signs have higher numbers. Hope that's not a bad sign. Then I see oncoming traffic with snow all over them. That, definitely, is a bad sign.

My trucklet doesn't like rain. Snow would probably kill me. At some point I noticed two things:
1) I'm in the mountains I saw earlier.
2) There's an aweful lot of snow there.

I get to Lee Vining and pull into a Best Western. Clean place, decent price. So I ask the lady behind the counter if Yosemite park is open this time of year. It's not. Damnit. Is highway 108 open? Nope.

Now is when my pathological inability to Just Stop Driving kicks in and I say "I think I'll keep driving north."

So WTF, now my tired ass is in Reno. But at least the rooms at the Atlantis are nice. And I've got an awesome view of... Reno... Oh well.

Highlights of my drive:
1) I ran over a hamburger.
2) Drag coefficient on my truck has to be pretty high, considering how many bugs have suicided on iy.
3) Bugs this time of year have a LOT of guts.
4) Keeler, CA: Population 50 (yes, fifty)
5) If ever in Beatty, don't stop for food. Just don't do it.

Best moment:
Watching a jackass almost cause two accidents passing people. Then two miles later waving as I pass by him and the cop writing him a ticket.

That Ain't No Race Car

This morning marks the first time I've ever seen an armored truck weaving and racing through traffic. Those things are surprisingly agile. Big engines, too. Apparantly also intimidating to most drivers.

'Cept for the guy in the dented pickup. He knows what kind of insurance the armored truck company has to have.

Feel free to buy me a new truck, I won't complain.

Stuff It

Yes your lifted Jeep is taller than my truck. It's also shorter and just as narrow. This can work to your disadvantage. Let me explain...

When you lurch over into my lane and slam on your brakes, let's just say I'm not reacting as quickly as normal. So now I've made contact with your rear tire. Now let's just say I'm in a bad mood. My foot "slips" off the brake onto the gas pedal.

So think about the physics of the situation for just a minute. The rotational velocity of your tires aren't enough to catch the truck. However, the kinetic energy stored in your Jeep and my truck is significant.

Let's explore one scenario.

Now your brakes engage. And my front bumper pushes just a little bit mroe into your tire. This can cause a bump that forces the back end of your short wheelbase vehicle up (also remember that the weight is already balanced forward because of the braking). If my foot isn't done "slipping", your rear tire will now be on top of my hood. If I don't recover quickly enough to pop my brakes this will most likely push your vehicle over onto one side or the other.

Sliding along trapped inside a car with your face inches off the ground can't be fun. Hope you're wearing a seatbelt, guy.

Almost Deselected Myself

Saturday I remembered why I avoid taking late left turns. Came fairly close to deselecting myself. Some lady in an SUV prolly wore some miles off her tires. Yup, no more late left turns for me.

Standards

When a regular citizen on a motorcycle gets run over on the highway they just sweep up the pieces and let traffic go.

When it's a motorcycle cop they shut down the highway for three miles. Which backs up traffic on that side for over ten miles. And on the other side for five miles. The officer "sustained minor injuries."

Hmm...

Whoah, You'd Think It Was My Fault

A few days ago I was East on Lake Mead. Was in the left lane behind some guy in a lifted pickup. He start swerving around, then pulls half into a turn lane and stops. So I honk because, well, he's being stupid and should be notified.

He honks back.

Pulls a U-turn.

And flips me off.

Apparantly it was all my fault.

A Little Bit Ago

I was driving home late from a 16 hour session dealing with [major new customer]. Drive down Tropicana and I'm cruisin'. Doing about 48 in the middle lane. There's not much traffic, things are calm.

Pass Eastern and I'm just rollin' along.

From the left side a small ways ahead of me someone jumps out of a parking lot into the median. Okay, no problem. So then they keep going as if they're going to turn into and drive down the left lane. Okay, again no problem. Then oh shit... He just keeps coming. I manage to swerve the front end around and had to pop the back end loose and spin around to avoid snagging his front end with my bumper.

Dingbat.

Then about a mile later the guy ahead of me does a panic stop for no reason. Barely missed that goober, too.

Hookers'n Coke - It's Vegas

So I've just gotten out of a meeting with [customer] where I had to explain to why [poorly spec'd feature of our flagship product] doesn't work like a normal person thinks it should. That was fun.

So I'm driving home. Take a left from Polaris onto Tropicana. Cross over the Strip and there I am sitting at a light.

So I do what most people do in that situation, I watch the people around me. Look in my rearview mirror and there's a chick fiddling with something in her lap. She's got a lot of makeup on, looks a little scrawny and haggard. Driving an older beat up car. Then she leans down, plugs a nostril, and inhales.

I just saw a hooker snort coke while sitting in traffic. I opt for the next right, since, you know, coke sniffing hookers probably don't have car insurance.

The Weather Warms

With the weather warming back up, it seems people are getting stupid again.

Which means I can get back to posting about the fools driving around me.

Target

If you're overweight and slow, and you're wearing black, maybe the middle of the road at night isn't the best place for you to be.