Why is it when summer hits the average driver's IQ drops by about 20?
And it's only the ones with AC. Those of us driving without seem to be plenty competent.
5/31/2012
2 Losers, 0 Winners
Got passed by a sport bike and Ferrari racing down 215 a few days ago. The sport bike seemed to be in the lead, but the real winner was the NHP trooper who shot down the on-ramp and launched into the race behind them.
World War Ant - III
After boiling the ants, I thought all was well. No sign of ants for about a month.
Then I checked my mail one day and noticed a small hole in my driveway. Odd... Stopped to take a look and a bunch of ants ran out of it. Yeah, turns out that boiling them just moves the problem.
Okay, now they've chosen to ratchet things up a notch. Can't have them chewing up my driveway. So I discussed it with coworkers again. The subject of diatomaceous earth comes up. Diatoms, man, that's the answer. Lots of diatoms.
I dumped a bunch around the ant holes I could see. A week later, ants are still happily running about.
So I dumped a bunch more in a wider area. And in the ant holes for good measure.
A couple weeks later I couldn't spot any ants coming out of the driveway. Yup, I'd finally won.
Then I checked my mail one day and noticed a small hole in my driveway. Odd... Stopped to take a look and a bunch of ants ran out of it. Yeah, turns out that boiling them just moves the problem.
Okay, now they've chosen to ratchet things up a notch. Can't have them chewing up my driveway. So I discussed it with coworkers again. The subject of diatomaceous earth comes up. Diatoms, man, that's the answer. Lots of diatoms.
I dumped a bunch around the ant holes I could see. A week later, ants are still happily running about.
So I dumped a bunch more in a wider area. And in the ant holes for good measure.
A couple weeks later I couldn't spot any ants coming out of the driveway. Yup, I'd finally won.
World War Ant - II
I'd chosen to let the ants live, since they probably play some vital role in a functioning ecosystem. Damn if I know what it is, but c'est la vie.
A year later I noticed a pretty significant ant nest in some open ground. I figured it was probably best if I get proactive and do something about it. At work the next day I talked it over with some coworkers. One of which was, literally, a wise old man from China. No, really. His contribution: "Back in mainland China, we used to pour a pot of boiling water down the ant hole. No more ants."
So that afternoon I started boiling water. Slowly poured a pot of it down the ant hole. No more ants.
The next afternoon I surveyed the battlefield. Damn, they were back.
So I started boiling water. Lots of water. Poured it all down the ant hole. No more ants.
Next afternoon, ants back.
This time, much water. Much much water. No more ants.
Next afternoon, no more ants.
Next afternoon, same.
Same.
After a week it looked like I'd won and gotten rid of the ants.
A year later I noticed a pretty significant ant nest in some open ground. I figured it was probably best if I get proactive and do something about it. At work the next day I talked it over with some coworkers. One of which was, literally, a wise old man from China. No, really. His contribution: "Back in mainland China, we used to pour a pot of boiling water down the ant hole. No more ants."
So that afternoon I started boiling water. Slowly poured a pot of it down the ant hole. No more ants.
The next afternoon I surveyed the battlefield. Damn, they were back.
So I started boiling water. Lots of water. Poured it all down the ant hole. No more ants.
Next afternoon, ants back.
This time, much water. Much much water. No more ants.
Next afternoon, no more ants.
Next afternoon, same.
Same.
After a week it looked like I'd won and gotten rid of the ants.
World War Ant - I
As far as the critters in my yard go, I'm normally one to live and let live. They do their thing, I do mine, we all get along. I also try to avoid spewing chemicals all over my living space, 'cause, ya know, health and all.
Until one day when the ants came. That's when the world changed.
I'd just finished laying floor in a bedroom, and was cleaning up the tools in the back yard. Last thing to do - move the table saw from the back patio into the garage. Being summer, I was wearing shorts and flipflops. I picked up the saw and waddled my way around the side of the house. Then I felt a pain on my foot. And my calf. And knee. And ankle. I hastily dropped the table saw, looked down, and immediately did the skin slapping crazy dance as I noticed my lower legs were covered in ants.
Those little fuckers pick the worst times to attack.
That was the first offensive, and I believed them when they said they wouldn't attack any more countries. The Kaisant, one convincing guy.
Until one day when the ants came. That's when the world changed.
I'd just finished laying floor in a bedroom, and was cleaning up the tools in the back yard. Last thing to do - move the table saw from the back patio into the garage. Being summer, I was wearing shorts and flipflops. I picked up the saw and waddled my way around the side of the house. Then I felt a pain on my foot. And my calf. And knee. And ankle. I hastily dropped the table saw, looked down, and immediately did the skin slapping crazy dance as I noticed my lower legs were covered in ants.
Those little fuckers pick the worst times to attack.
That was the first offensive, and I believed them when they said they wouldn't attack any more countries. The Kaisant, one convincing guy.
So there I was, driving home,
minding my own business when I rolled up on a big ole pile o'stupid. Merging, man, it's just so confusing for so many people.
3/10/2011
Cause I Love Viking Movies
(3:21:49 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: Now I'm watching Valhalla Rising as a counter to the last movie. I'm a sucker for any movies involving vikings.
(3:39:23 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: 15 minutes in and I'm not sure whether it's brilliant or complete crap. So far it's like an art-house version of the 13th Warrior.
...
(4:21:36 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: Been watching Valhalla Rising for 45 minutes. So far the first 5 minutes showed promise. Since then... Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I keep waiting for something to happen.
(4:26:37 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: At the 50 minute mark now. So far it's just a one-eyed dude staring at things.
(4:30:27 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: OH SHIT! Something is happening!
(4:31:22 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: Dang... 15 seconds of something happening and now they're all just staring again.
(4:34:10 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: WTF? 5 minutes of staring at a rock.
(4:35:40 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: This is like the Blair Witch Project if there had been no witch.
(4:40:23 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: Okay... Valhalla Rising is just... WTF... I mean... WTF? Seriously...
(4:43:17 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: WTF? WHY DO THE VIKINGS HAVE BRITISH ACCENTS?
(4:44:58 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: Oh, good, more staring.
(4:47:28 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: And why, oh why, are the vikings trying to build Jeruselam?
(4:47:59 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: Is this what happens when you get mercury poisoning?
(4:50:38 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: Wait... The head crazy guy just shot an arrow at himself from 10 meters away. And now the one eyed guy is straing at himself from 10 meters away.
(4:50:59 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: Oh, nevermind, it's some two eyed guy staring at the one eyed guy.
(4:53:29 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: So the crazy old guy had a twin?
(5:00:40 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: Holy shit! There's Native Americans in ancient Norway!
(5:03:52 PM) krisak@gmail.com/B1AE2FD4: WTF? The movie finally ended. And... WTF?
2/16/2011
Wind Duex
When there's a 35 mph crosswind, it might be a bad idea to merge into traffic like a ferret on meth.
Real Weather
It's windy enough that I just got to watch one of my coworkers get blown over in the parking lot. Sadly, I am a cruel person and this amused me greatly. At least they appeared uninjured.
Unclear On The Concept - Yet Again
Heading down I95, south towards the exit to get onto 215W. I'm in the far left lane, passing a bunch of traffic that's all ganged up together for no apparent reason. Maybe they all just needed a morning hug.
Anyway... Someone in a Pacifica (that's how you just know they're going to do something stupid) lurches into the left lane in front of me. Then goes slower than traffic in the middle lane. Thanks, buddy.
I work my way back over to the right lane and get into the exit lane. Suddenly PacificaGuy comes rocketing four lanes over and nearly takes off my rear bumper. *sigh* But that's the confused kind of behavior I expect from someone in a Pacifica.
Anyway... Someone in a Pacifica (that's how you just know they're going to do something stupid) lurches into the left lane in front of me. Then goes slower than traffic in the middle lane. Thanks, buddy.
I work my way back over to the right lane and get into the exit lane. Suddenly PacificaGuy comes rocketing four lanes over and nearly takes off my rear bumper. *sigh* But that's the confused kind of behavior I expect from someone in a Pacifica.
11/17/2009
11/16/2009
9/22/2009
Bad Tyres
My tires are now so worn down that I've slipped the back end three times in one day without even trying. This would be cool if it weren't for other lanes being occupied by cars.
Bicycle Races
Granted, one man on a bicycle may be bigger than my car, but all the same it's going to hurt when you get hit riding across the middle of the road.
8/25/2009
You're No Ricky Bobby
Yes, we all know that the 215 to 95N ramp is a long sweeping curve. And it's tempting because it looks like a NASCAR corner. But you're going to get a heck of a surprise sometime, because it's a blind corner. Think that one through next time you're driving between the lane marker and the jersey barrier.
But if you're going to pretend you're in NASCAR, at least learn how to take a corner. Until you can define the word "apex" and what it means for a corner, just stay between the lines.
But if you're going to pretend you're in NASCAR, at least learn how to take a corner. Until you can define the word "apex" and what it means for a corner, just stay between the lines.
8/18/2009
Chain of Fools
A six car pileup on 215 begets a five car pileup on 215. Two chain reactions within a few hundred feet - impressive lack of paying attention there, people.
Then after everyone weasels past the accidents, they get all excited and start rocketing down the highway doing about 90. Of course, then they all slam to a halt at the first onramp as traffic doing 45 tries to merge and there's a general freakout.
Then a mile later, once traffic is up to a reasonable 80 in the left lane, we all have to freak out again as there's a tractor/trailer in the middle lane doing under 60. This screws up traffic as everyone has to try to figure out how to pass on both sides, then collide with traffic merging from the onramp. Thanks, dude.
I'm not sure whether it's better or worse than the loaded dual trailer gravel haulers I routinely catch tailgating people doing 85 in the left lane. Now, I've never driven anything bigger than a bus, but I had a hunch that you can't stop that truck fast enough to avoid killing a number of people. Let's all just hope for the best...
Then after everyone weasels past the accidents, they get all excited and start rocketing down the highway doing about 90. Of course, then they all slam to a halt at the first onramp as traffic doing 45 tries to merge and there's a general freakout.
Then a mile later, once traffic is up to a reasonable 80 in the left lane, we all have to freak out again as there's a tractor/trailer in the middle lane doing under 60. This screws up traffic as everyone has to try to figure out how to pass on both sides, then collide with traffic merging from the onramp. Thanks, dude.
I'm not sure whether it's better or worse than the loaded dual trailer gravel haulers I routinely catch tailgating people doing 85 in the left lane. Now, I've never driven anything bigger than a bus, but I had a hunch that you can't stop that truck fast enough to avoid killing a number of people. Let's all just hope for the best...
Couldja Be Less Obvious?
You might get the idea that I live in a skeezy neighborhood. Maybe so...
One indication is seeing a teenager hanging out by the payphone at the 7-11. For an hour or two... Yeah, that's not obvious. You would think whoever he's running drugs for could afford a pre-paid cell phone. They're pretty darn anonymous. I guess the drug dealers around my area just like to keep it old school.
One indication is seeing a teenager hanging out by the payphone at the 7-11. For an hour or two... Yeah, that's not obvious. You would think whoever he's running drugs for could afford a pre-paid cell phone. They're pretty darn anonymous. I guess the drug dealers around my area just like to keep it old school.
8/05/2009
How'd You Get Up There?
Off to the side of the highway are three cars with minor damage, and a fourth on a tow truck. What was interesting was a sedan that appeared to have been sideswiped and somehow made it all the way up the embankment. Either he managed some impressive offroading, or jumped the jersey barrier. Impressive either way.
Passengering
It's occasionally fun being a passenger on the highway because you get to watch other drivers.
"Awful lot of bald guys with small sunglasses driving around."
"Dude, that lady was smoking and picking her nose at the same time."
"Most people get freaked out when you wave, but that guy was okay."
"Awful lot of bald guys with small sunglasses driving around."
"Dude, that lady was smoking and picking her nose at the same time."
"Most people get freaked out when you wave, but that guy was okay."
7/27/2009
A Few Rules
Let's all agree on a few assumptions, okay? If we all kind of get a baseline going, we can avoid driving like douchebags. Right? Okay...
1. If I'm going 80, I don't want to race, I just have somewhere to go.
2. If I'm going 95, I don't want to race, I just have somewhere to go.
3. If I'm going 115, I don't want to race, I just have somewhere to go.
4. If I'm in the left lane, and you roll up behind me, I'll do my best to move over quickly.
5. However, if I'm in the left lane, and you roll up behind me, and there's heavy traffic; I'm just going to ignore you.
6. If there's very little traffic, and I roll up behind you in the left lane, please move over.
7. If I drop down three gears, spin the engine up to 6000 RPM, and pass you on the right; it doesn't mean I want to race, it just means you're being a douchebag and I have somewhere to go.
8. If I'm going 70, I probably saw a cop that doesn't currently have someone pulled over. Go ahead and pass, it's fun to watch.
1. If I'm going 80, I don't want to race, I just have somewhere to go.
2. If I'm going 95, I don't want to race, I just have somewhere to go.
3. If I'm going 115, I don't want to race, I just have somewhere to go.
4. If I'm in the left lane, and you roll up behind me, I'll do my best to move over quickly.
5. However, if I'm in the left lane, and you roll up behind me, and there's heavy traffic; I'm just going to ignore you.
6. If there's very little traffic, and I roll up behind you in the left lane, please move over.
7. If I drop down three gears, spin the engine up to 6000 RPM, and pass you on the right; it doesn't mean I want to race, it just means you're being a douchebag and I have somewhere to go.
8. If I'm going 70, I probably saw a cop that doesn't currently have someone pulled over. Go ahead and pass, it's fun to watch.
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