4/29/2005
We Can All Get Through This
215 Westbound from Gibson. Soon as we hit the grated sections traffic freaks out and slows to 20 mph temporarily. It's just grated asphalt, guys, with a little attention and some perseverance we can get through this okay. I know it's scary, and you're worried, but it'll be all right.
Trop and McCleod
Typical fender bender. Except that I couldn't figure out how they'd gotten where they were. One of the cars had to have been hit hard enough to spin it, but neither were damaged that much. Mystery.
4/28/2005
Fuckered Up My Commute
Hadda drag my butt out of bed at 5 am to head to [Big Important Customer] for a 12 hour shift. What major event happened this weekend in Las Vegas? Chances are you can guess where I was.
So I'm headed east on Trop. Halfway up the block to Eastern traffic slows to a crawl. People start leaving for the parking lots on either side.
In Las Vegas this normally means an accident.
A news van shows up and weasels it's way through traffic.
This also typically means an accident.
So I head off to a parking lot and cruise through to Eastern. I look back to the intersection. Five police cruisers and some news media. I was too far away to find out exactly what happened, but it must've been pretty big. Hope no one died.
So I'm headed east on Trop. Halfway up the block to Eastern traffic slows to a crawl. People start leaving for the parking lots on either side.
In Las Vegas this normally means an accident.
A news van shows up and weasels it's way through traffic.
This also typically means an accident.
So I head off to a parking lot and cruise through to Eastern. I look back to the intersection. Five police cruisers and some news media. I was too far away to find out exactly what happened, but it must've been pretty big. Hope no one died.
4/27/2005
Two Birds, One Road
Headed East on Warm Springs, trying to get to Costco. Get up to Spencer and traffic slows to a crawl. Probably an accident. Yup. Intersection past Spencer is closed. Crap.
So I drive down Spencer and take a left on Eldorado Ln. Two lane road, and everyone now wants to turn left onto Eastern. This is stupid. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Crap. I finally hop the curb and take off to the right, pull a quick U-turn, and wave to the schmucks waiting to turn left. The U-turn is a perfectly legal and underutilized tool here.
Take Warm Springs a few more blocks and crap... Another accident. This time at Valley Verde. Someone hit a bus.
Once again, how is it that a person manages to hit a bus. It's not like they're small and nimble. Or particularly invisible. They're giant hulking behemoths, smoking down the roadway, obscuring vision for miles around. How the heck do you hit one?
Anyway, I wind around for a while and eventually get back on Warm Springs. Take a left on Stephanie. By now my patience is pretty slim. Some guy has been weaving through traffic, getting nowhere. He ends up in the right hand turn lane onto Marks with his left turn signal on. Woops. This is one of those places where a long application of the horn really freaks someone out. This guy as pretty edgy by the time traffic let him in.
So I drive down Spencer and take a left on Eldorado Ln. Two lane road, and everyone now wants to turn left onto Eastern. This is stupid. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Crap. I finally hop the curb and take off to the right, pull a quick U-turn, and wave to the schmucks waiting to turn left. The U-turn is a perfectly legal and underutilized tool here.
Take Warm Springs a few more blocks and crap... Another accident. This time at Valley Verde. Someone hit a bus.
Once again, how is it that a person manages to hit a bus. It's not like they're small and nimble. Or particularly invisible. They're giant hulking behemoths, smoking down the roadway, obscuring vision for miles around. How the heck do you hit one?
Anyway, I wind around for a while and eventually get back on Warm Springs. Take a left on Stephanie. By now my patience is pretty slim. Some guy has been weaving through traffic, getting nowhere. He ends up in the right hand turn lane onto Marks with his left turn signal on. Woops. This is one of those places where a long application of the horn really freaks someone out. This guy as pretty edgy by the time traffic let him in.
4/26/2005
Airport Connector
I saw someone getting pulled over on the airport connector this afternoon. Yes, police do set up speed traps there. Yes, police in Vegas do sometimes give speeding tickets. Wouldn't it suck if you were one of the few?
A Little Anger
Warm Springs and Rosado Springs. Guy turning from from eastbound Warm Springs onto Rosado. I passed the intersection as he was walking around his truck to look at the minivan wedged under the back bumper. Last I saw in my mirror was the guy waving his arms at the passenger window of the van.
4/23/2005
Honkie
Twice today I had to honk at someone. Are ya'all just kinda slow, or just new to the concept of traffice lights?
4/22/2005
Hornie
Let me explain something about horns:
1. A short beep means: "Don't take offense, but you're being a retard, now please move your ass before I push it into the intersection."
2. A longer beep means: "Woah, shit, you almost hit my ass."
3. A really long blare means: "You're so damn stupid you shouldn't be driving and I want to make sure you know it. Keep driving. Keep going. Freaked out now? Good. I'm going to keep honking until your ass is so scared you call the cops and I have to make up a story about the switch getting stuck. Idiot."
1. A short beep means: "Don't take offense, but you're being a retard, now please move your ass before I push it into the intersection."
2. A longer beep means: "Woah, shit, you almost hit my ass."
3. A really long blare means: "You're so damn stupid you shouldn't be driving and I want to make sure you know it. Keep driving. Keep going. Freaked out now? Good. I'm going to keep honking until your ass is so scared you call the cops and I have to make up a story about the switch getting stuck. Idiot."
Yo Homie II
To the guy with the 6" muffler tip on a 1.8 liter engine: if you lurch over into my lane two feet in front of me I may just assume you want a hug and stay that close. If this freaks you out and you swerve around a lot, I'm sorry but too bad. If you speed up and slow down in an attempt to make me back off just remember that I have good reflexes, good insurance, and a bad attitude.
Hungry Redneck
So I get done dealing with [My Big Fat Obnoxious Customer] and head home. I figure a beer and a burrito from my favorite burrito shop will cheer me up. So I head there. In line ahead of me is some white trash. Redneck Man and Da Ho. While we're in line some other people finish their meal and leave.
Redneck Man gets done ordering (very annoying, as all I wanted was a burrito and a beer, pretty simple - he's ordering a taco like it's a nine course meal). He gets done, and I order my food. Then I sit down and wait patiently.
Redneck Man and Da Ho wander about. Redneck Man notices a plate left by the previous customers that finished their meal and vacated. He spots a half eaten taco.
With lightning quick reflexes, he looks around and seeing no authority figures nearby he lunges down, grabs the half eaten taco, and scarfs it down.
OMFG, I almost shit myself laughing. My neighborhood has so many ways to amuse me.
Redneck Man gets done ordering (very annoying, as all I wanted was a burrito and a beer, pretty simple - he's ordering a taco like it's a nine course meal). He gets done, and I order my food. Then I sit down and wait patiently.
Redneck Man and Da Ho wander about. Redneck Man notices a plate left by the previous customers that finished their meal and vacated. He spots a half eaten taco.
With lightning quick reflexes, he looks around and seeing no authority figures nearby he lunges down, grabs the half eaten taco, and scarfs it down.
OMFG, I almost shit myself laughing. My neighborhood has so many ways to amuse me.
4/20/2005
Just No Skill
I think it's funny when my li'l trucklet can outdrift a an expensive sports car. The guy in the sports car always gets freaked out, feels inadequate, and then tries to pass me. People with more car than skill just amuse the heck out of me.
Dingus Battus
East on Stephanie. Crossed Boulder Highway and I was going about 45 in the left lane. Some guy decided to tailgate me for no apparant reason. Not that I care, he wasn's in front of me. But what the heck, you do something stupid I may just take you up on the offer to embarrass you. So I dropped the clutched from 5th to 3rd, almost got rearended, then drifted the left hand corner onto Tropicana. He wasn't too happy.
Yo Homie
The 2nd to 5th shift doesn't mean I want to race, it means I'm lazy and don't want to bother with 3rd and 4th. But hey, glad yer happy ya won.
4/19/2005
3:00 AM Woops
On the way to [Big Annoying Customer] at three this morning I almost got taken out by some drunk guy. He swerved into my lane a few times. Eventually I just gave up and stopped avoiding him. Sadly, I shall collect no insurance today.
What struck me most is just how difficult it is to stop trying to avoid an accident. Years of driving fast and trying to avoid getting hit just doesn't get ignored easily.
What struck me most is just how difficult it is to stop trying to avoid an accident. Years of driving fast and trying to avoid getting hit just doesn't get ignored easily.
Wanna Be a Toys R Us Kid
Monday was fire truck day. All over the place. Maryland Parkway, Tropicana, Albertson's. Like a freakin' Tonka festival.
4/10/2005
I LIke This City
At Boulder Station last night waiting for someone to show up for dinner and a movie. I was having a fun time watching a big drunk redneck singing Brickhouse. Mullet and all. Yeah...
Then an older lady with too many beers in her started hitting on me. Kind of flattering but when she looked away for a minute I ran away.
Then an older lady with too many beers in her started hitting on me. Kind of flattering but when she looked away for a minute I ran away.
Push
Heading home after watching Sahara (not a bad movie - fluffy and meaningless, but entertaining). Drivign south on Boulder, trying to make a left onto Flamingo. In the turn lane is a car with its flashers on. A cop rolls up next to it and starts talking to the owner.
Eventually some walking redneck shows up for the party. They all confer. The cop turns his lights on. This just don't bode well.
While the light is still red the two guys start pushing the car. Into the intersection. Into traffic...
The cop does an "oh shit" and drives into the intersection with his lights flashing. Stops traffic so the dingbats don't get hit. Surprisingly they manage to get across Boulder and into the gas station without turning into roadkill. Darwin shrugs.
Eventually some walking redneck shows up for the party. They all confer. The cop turns his lights on. This just don't bode well.
While the light is still red the two guys start pushing the car. Into the intersection. Into traffic...
The cop does an "oh shit" and drives into the intersection with his lights flashing. Stops traffic so the dingbats don't get hit. Surprisingly they manage to get across Boulder and into the gas station without turning into roadkill. Darwin shrugs.
4/09/2005
Semi's Revenge
Behind a semi traveling west on Tropicana near I95. We're in the far right lane. He starts slowing down, so I change lanes to pass him. Without bothering to check his mirrors or use turn signals, he decides to change lanes. With traffic to the left of me the only thing I could do was brake and hope he didn't take out the side of my trucklet. He didn't. Barely.
4/07/2005
Airport Connector + Russell
Yet another rear-end situation. This time in the morning, though. Still, lots of impatient people.
4/06/2005
Truckee Flambe
Let me know if ya'all hear about a semi on fire today, I got to watch it start. Hope it wasn't owner operated.
4/03/2005
A Genius Of Our Times
The Location: Intersection of Koval and Sands. I was crossing Koval on foot, and there was someone waiting in the northbound Koval right turn lane. He had a red arrow. There is a sign on the stoplight clearly stating "Right Turn On Green Arrow Only".
Someone behind him begins to honk for him to turn. He rolls down his window and points at the sign to inform the ignorant soul behind him. I point at the sign, too, just to help his explanation a bit. So what does the ignorant fool do? He honks again. Then he whips into the next lane over and begins to make a right turn, from the middle lane, with a red arrow.
I wish I could say he got deselected at that point, but our genius carried on to procreate another day. The gene pools cries out in despair.
Someone behind him begins to honk for him to turn. He rolls down his window and points at the sign to inform the ignorant soul behind him. I point at the sign, too, just to help his explanation a bit. So what does the ignorant fool do? He honks again. Then he whips into the next lane over and begins to make a right turn, from the middle lane, with a red arrow.
I wish I could say he got deselected at that point, but our genius carried on to procreate another day. The gene pools cries out in despair.
Have I Said This Before?
Another Day In Paradise
On my way to [big obnoxious customer]'s underground lair, I saw a few things...
Someone took a flatbed tow truck and turned it into a limo. Thing about these trucks is they have about six feet hanging off the back axle. This one had even more since they wanted more room for the limo. Where do people typically sit in a limo? The far back... Now let's think about the physics of this one for a minute.
Then I'm cruising down the ramp from 95N to 15S I fall in line behind a flatbed pickup. It's got two dogs in the back. Unchained. And not a whole lot of room. I switched lanes before I ended up with a dog on the hood.
A coworker's wife got hit that day. She was stopped at a light when someone slammed into the back of her car. Still don't understand quite how that one happened.
On my way to [big obnoxious customer]'s underground lair, I saw a few things...
Someone took a flatbed tow truck and turned it into a limo. Thing about these trucks is they have about six feet hanging off the back axle. This one had even more since they wanted more room for the limo. Where do people typically sit in a limo? The far back... Now let's think about the physics of this one for a minute.
Then I'm cruising down the ramp from 95N to 15S I fall in line behind a flatbed pickup. It's got two dogs in the back. Unchained. And not a whole lot of room. I switched lanes before I ended up with a dog on the hood.
A coworker's wife got hit that day. She was stopped at a light when someone slammed into the back of her car. Still don't understand quite how that one happened.
4/01/2005
Person + Person = Collision
On a street somewhere a man with no depth perception meets and man with poor reflexes. The result? Massive traffic blockage.
Hint to the man with not depth perception: it's a good idea to wait to turn left until all cars have passed. Otherwise you may take someone's bumper off and piss off a large number of commuters. Thanks, man.
Hint to the man with not depth perception: it's a good idea to wait to turn left until all cars have passed. Otherwise you may take someone's bumper off and piss off a large number of commuters. Thanks, man.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)