One More Time, Guys

One Car
One Lane

Seems like a simple enough concept...

Here's some other tips:
1. If you're going to run a red light, please do it following fairly close to another vehicle. If there's a large break in traffic the people with the green light may just you're going to stop. This might cause a lot of horn honking, tire squealing, and general discord. There's a slight chance it might be your fault. Oh, and if you're doing this on a left turn, watch the crosswalk. YOU MAY JUST RUN SOMEONE THE FUCK OVER!

2. If things fall off of your car (including but not limited to: muffler, transmission, fender, bumper) it's a very polite thing to get both the car and the pieces off the road so as the not unnecessarily complicate other commuters.

3. A base model '97 3000GT isn't fast enough to beat you, but it is fast enough to keep you out of a lane you may want to be in. Please be courteous about lane chances. The quarter mile of space behind the GT is probably a cozier place than the three car lengths (and closing) ahead.

4. If you hit that pedestrian, you'll probably feel bad. Granted, the city of Las Vegas won't prosecute you (despite the speeding and weaving around like Mr. Magoo) but your conscience will.

5. Don't throw stuff out your window (unless it's evidence) - that's just tacky. If you do throw stuff out your window, don't hit other cars. If you do both of those don't be surprised by the horn honking, swearing, and finger pointing.

6. Toyota Corolla does not equal hotrod. Though you may try, though you may pray, though you may embarrass yourself; you're still driving a Corolla. Might be time to upgrade to that Chevy Cavalier you've always wanted.

7. If the near miss is your fault, don't honk at me. I'm prone to escalate things like that.

That's all for now. Study hard, there'll be a test tomorrow.

Today's Winner: Car + Bus

Turns out that a fully loaded bus stops faster than a sports car. Either that, or just maybe, maybe maybe, just possibly the driver of the sports car was a real jackass. 'Cause, really, how do you rear end a bus? Lots of pissed off commuters that morning.

Raced a G35 this morning. Unimpressive. Granted, I lost. I knew I'd lose. I just wanted to see how fast they are. I should've had my ass handed to me on a platter with a side of relish. I felt gypped that I didn't lose that badly.

One more driving hint: if you're driving around with your left turn signal on for miles I won't be able to tell that you want to change lanes. In fact, I may just think you're old, infirm, and none too bright. So it makes sense that when you suddenly lurch into the lane I'm occupying I might be a bit annoyed. This might cause a reaction involving a horn and a certain gesture. Don't let this surprise you - I suspect you're used to it by now.

My Fault

I almost rear ended someone yesterday when I saw a prototype Dodge truck driving around. All covered up with the body padding. Some kind of canopy - not sure why.

Funny that that doesn't happen to me with women, just cars.

Broadacres

Took my first trip to the Broadacres Swap Meet today. Smelly, noisy, full of crap merchandise, no one speaks English. Very cool. I was walking along just checking out the stalls when a lady with nice mangos flagged me down. They were pretty tasty.

Limooooooooo

Almost got hit by a limo today.

So that makes....
Cars
Trucks
Semi
Limo
Tractor

Now all I need is some dude in a Cessna to plop down on me and I'll be set.

Vegans

I was waiting at the checkout line at Albertson's today and saw a woman head into the bathroom. She parked her empty cart outside and disappeared for a few moments. While she was in there some guy (non employee) wandered by, looked around, and stole her cart. She came out, looked around, stood there confused for a moment, and then left.

If she had veered off to one side, rammed an old lady with a bagfull of groceries and killed someone crossing the aisle it would pretty much sum out traffic in Vegas.

And Then

There are people from states like Illinois who drive around saying things like "garsh, there's a city he'are, we best go real slow so's them coppers don't get us." I often mistake them for Californians.

Sandy Valley

What can I say?

Oh...?

You've never heard of Sandy Valley?

Hehe... Sandy Valley has two types of people in it - Mormons and white trash.

The Mormons, well, they're Mormons. If you don't know, well, it'll remain a mystery for now. Today we're talking about the white trash.

Ah, some background. See, my parents live out in Sandy Valley. They're not white trash, and they're not Mormons. They're just kind of out there... Way out there. Their driveway is half a mile long. And unpaved.

So I'm on the way down that dirt road, looking at all the houses passing by. Off to the left is a mansion any true Ozarkian would be proud of. Some enterprising redneck has taken three (how'd he afford that many?) trailers and bolted them together into one big homestead.

Next house down... A car in the front yard up on blocks. Tire used as a planter. Broken appliances in the front yard also. Whoah.... Almost missed the beer bellied man in the wife beater standing on the front porch, beer in hand, pissing on the aforementioned appliances.

These are the people who refuse to put numbers on their houses so that the county inspectors can't find them. There's three bars, one general store, one restaurant (well, pizza joint), and no gas stations.

My mother and ex-girlfriend went into the general store a few days before Christmas to get baking soda. They found one box. It was already opened...

The next door neighbors have chickens, horses, cows. And a pile of kids. Good Mormons they be. Survivalist Mormons, I guess. Ready to repopulate the world at a moments notice.

Yeah, that's Sandy Valley in a netshell.

Oh yeah, directions... 20 miles south on I-15 to Jean. West 5 more miles. Then left on another road over some windy little 'mountain' pass. That road is where I found out that a 3000GT doesn't land very well.

Commerce... Sandy Valley has two main employers: a sod farm and a kitty litter plant. Hehe... Kitty litter plant. Now I know why my cat's dirt is so cheap here.

Raelians

Like Aliens. Only sillier.

Last year while carpooling with coworkers I saw some Raelians. Two Rael-mobiles en-route to somewhere. On the beltway near Summerlin. Going East. Off to a Rael-convention.

This was about the time they were claiming they had a clone. I wanted to stop them and ask if they were clones. But they had a Rael mission, so I left them to it.

Don't Back Up

I almost got hit on Saturday. Too bad I wasn't in the car...

Coming home tonight I got sick of waiting for traffic to clear so I could make a left into the paved area in front of the guard shack. I saw a gap just big enough, punched it, and pulled a sliding stop into the paved area. Lots of engine noises and screeching of tires (with little actual motion - just very dramatic sounding). The guard came running out of the shack. I smiled and waved. I think I'm gonna get crap from the guards next time through there.

Fire

Last night on the way out to visit my parents (Southbound I-15) I got to see the remains of a car fire. Skid marks across three lanes leading to where the burned out remains of the car were surrounded by three fire trucks and a semi. Hopefully whoever was in the car got out.

Car fires seem common here. I'd only seen one in my lifetime until I moved here. Now I've seen the remains of two, one active, and plumes from two more.

It Could Have Been Me

Almost got taken out today. Would've totalled the GT, too, probably. Damn sense of self preservation.

I used to drive a very raised 4x4 ('75 Blazer on 40" tires). When I did, I was extremely careful about lane changes to my right. Some people drive big trucks without so much caution.

In the right lane of Warm Springs. West bound after Paradise. Suddenly I catch a peripheral glance of a tire. At eye level. Very close. (SWERVE)(GAS)(SWERVE) Narrowly avoided getting pushed into a light pole.

I think my passenger was unamused by the fact that I took the time to roll down my window and explain to this driver just how badly he'd almost messed up... "That sounds like road rage." "No, road rage is when I follow him home and put a dent in his door panel."

(Sense the hostility?)

Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel

Turning right from the airport connector onto Russell. Read end collision. Most people seem to learn "look, then gas." A lot of Las Vegans seem to learn "gas, then !"

I wonder if I can see an accident there three times in one week.

Boofays

Iv'e been eating at the local casinos to see which ones have good food. Locals casinos. Not even Station type locals casinos. I mean the one offs that you can't find unless you happen to be driving past.

Been a mixed bag:

Boulder Station: one of the better Stations - excellent Mexican place with a good salsa bar.

Sam's Town: it's Sam's Town. Nuff' said.

Longhorn: decent food, massive quanitities. Good prices. My $7.99 8oz prime rib was actually a $7.99 25oz prime rib. Decnt prime rib, good potatoes.

Elllsi Island / Village Pub: Very good prices, excellent food! If you're in town for a vacation, find Ellis Island and eat dinner there, it's worth it. It's the only place I've ever been where the hamburger meat has spices in it. The prime rib is soft as butter and the most flavorful I've had. Fish and chips actually have flavor in the batter and solid chunks of fresh fish. Plsu the $7.99 special is great: prime rib, potatoe, veggies, and an ice cold microbrew (a very good nut brown).

Nevada Palace: Not Expensive. But still, don't eat there. Just don't. Find a Village Pub or Ellis Island. Or cross the road to Lognhorn or Sam's Town. If it's 115 outside and you have to walk, do it. Heck, drive down the road half a mile to my house and I'll make you grilled steak with sauteed mushrooms and onions (along with an ice cold Pete's and some garlic mashed potatoes) - no charge.

For The Most Part

Las Vegas roads make sense. Coming from the Sea-Tac area, it's extremely easy to get around here. Directions are simple, the highway system is easy, the beltway even makes sense.

For the most part...

Down around I-95 and Sunset all hell breaks loose. I think it's all caused by that stupid hill. Boulder Highway doesn't seem to cause a problem, it's just that hill. You know the one.

For Those Of You From Western Washington

I'm sure you'll be amused to know that the slightest hint of moisture brings out the stupid in Las Vegans.

The homeless float away, cars start water skiing, and once again we all learn what those funny looking channels are for.

However, we do have the advantage of being able to drive in the sun (which Seattle has yet to master).

How To Know You're From California

1. You're doing 50 mph in a 55 mph zone.
2. You're doing 45 mph in a 55 mph zone.
3. You're doing 35 mph in a 55 mph zone, and weaving across two lanes.
4. You're doing 30 mph in a 55 mph zone, and weaving across two lanes, and driving with your left turn signal on.

Californians are fast and aggressive drivers? MY ASS! They're stupid, unpredictable, and lazy. Las Vegas drivers, while all that, are at least fast.

When someone stops

it doesn't necessarily mean you have to.

If they jump out into the median after turning left, chances are they're waiting for a break in traffic to merge into the flow. That doesn't mean that if you're in the left lane you need to stop and let them in. Chances are it'll just piss off the people behind you and confuse the person you're letting in. Las Vegans don't seem too quick on the horn. Las Vegans don't really know how to drive.

In CA the drivers are fast and aggressive. Here they're fast, aggressive, and more than anything else; confused. Confused about stop lights. Confused about speed limits. Confused about merging, turning, stopping, starting, and just driving in a straight line. Las Vegas reminds seems like a city full of driver's ed students all trying to get somewhere in a real big hurry.

Firemen

Leaving the development the other day, I notced that there was a crew out cutting the dead leaves off the palm trees in the common park area. Then I notced there was a fire truck there, the kind with the ladders. WTF? How'd they con the fire department into helping cut the trees?

Turns out the tree maintenance company owns the truck - bought it at an auction. Clever company.

Parking

Ever since I almost hit that moron on Tropicana I've noticed a vibration at 40 mph. I think my tires have a flat spot now. This is a mixed blessing. The downside is obvious. The upside is that I no longer care about the health of the tires.

With this in mind I've been getting to work early so I can try to get into a parking spot backwards without ever using reverse. I'm getting close.

Not sure if anyone is getting pissed about the skid marks all over, but I'm hoping not.

On Friday...

...I almost got hit by a tractor.

Just driving down the road, trying to pass a front loader. 6 lanes plus a median, not much other traffic. I'm in the guy's blind spot and he swerved for some reason.

Granted, I am trying to get the GT totaled so I can get rid of the payments, but my idiot reptile brain kicked in quick enough for me to realize that getting run over by a front loader would probably take me out with the car.

Oh well.

Today's Accident

Today's commute home saw the aftermath of two accidents - both rearend collisions. Both pretty typical. Once at a stop sign. Guy in front probably started to go, then stopped. The guy behind wasn't watching in front of him. Other one was a guy in a median - again pretty typical for here. Lots of people here don't seem to be big on depth perception. I think it's the sun.

I used to notice in Washington that during the summer months when it was dry and sunny out there were more accidents. Must be the sun.